• One way to tell if lettuce isn't fresh is to check the color; if it's black, it's no longer fresh.
• You can make your own rowing machine with two long poles and a rowboat.
• Drink margarinemilk instead of buttermilk.
• Making low-carb "toast" is simple; just replace the slice of bread with something that's not bread.
• Like to eat when you're stressed out? Next time, try having an uncontrollable crying fit instead.
• If you're invited to a wedding, make a note when you RSVP that you'd appreciate them not serving cake because you're on a diet.
• Can't afford fresh fruit? Try dressing up like a gorilla and getting captured by a local zoo.
• If all the others runners in the marathon are wearing leather chaps and feathers, you may have accidentally stumbled into a "Gay Pride" parade.
• Tipping your personal trainer with a counterfeit $100 bill will ensure that your next session will be extra-intensive.
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