Just because I lie in her In Box all day and make strange sounds. And it's true. I'm not quite right in the head. But I'm working on it. No, I'm not seeing a therapist. Do you really think VPI would cover that? Ha! They barely cover hairballs. And I don't do meds. The odds of the Human putting anything down my throat are pretty slim. She still has a scar from the last time she tried.
But think about it. I live in a bead room. When I say I live there, well, I really live there. Every so often (maybe once a day) I run outside the room like I've been seized with a higher purpose. I make some noises and then I run back in. Makes the dog think I'm doing something important.
In the bead room, the Human keeps many beads. (That's why I call it the bead room. Of course, I keep a lot of spare fur there and she doesn't call it the Fur Room, but I digress.) And there are plenty of gemstone beads. By plenty I mean hundred and thousand of gajillions. And, as all cats know, different gemstones have different powers. So I decided I'd treat my neuroses and psychoses with gemstones.
Last week I was having flashbacks. I was remembering living under the fig tree, being pelted by overripe figs the squirrels had missed, with my Feral Mama and my two sisters. This is before the Human rescued us. (By then my sister was hiding in the wheel well of a parked car. You can imagine the flashbacks she has.) I was seeing figs everywhere. Well, figs and those gigantic squirrels that hang out by the fig tree and the avocado tree.
I'd look at my bowl of Friskies Pate and I see... FIGS! Nothing but figs! Clearly something needed to be done. So I dipped into the gemstones. It's not the first time I've done that, and it won't be the last. First I opened the container of Mookaite. (The Human thought the lid didn't ft any more and muttered something about those friggin' Smart and Final containers but really, it was moi.) I went for the Mookaite because Mookaite is said to be a stone of the "here and now." And I needed to be here and now instead of with those figs and squirrels Mookaite is particularly useful for protecting emotions, and I was on the brink of making some really strange sounds.
Then I found the stash of Tiger's Eye. The Human has quite a fondness for Tiger's Eye. It can keep away the evil eye, they say, and I need that because I'm quite lovely. (Many of the Insanes are.) But this time I snagged one because it brings clear thinking and insight; it has the power to focus the mind. I then repeated "There are no figs. There are no figs. There are no figs." I was starting to feel better.
But I was still a little shaky, and starting to make my sounds again. "Meep. Meep. Meep." The Perky House Human thinks this is cute. She gets to stay. Anyway, I went back to the bead stash and this time I pulled out Silver Leaf Jasper.
Silver Leaf Jasper encourages willpower. The Human says it's worn by independent, highly disciplined people, but I think it would be equally useful for someone (say, a Cat) who isn't highly disciplined but would like to be. That's moi. I'd like to stop thinking about figs.
While the Human made a necklace and earrings with the gemstones I selected...
I took one of the Tiger's Eye beads...
...and hid it in my cat box.
That way, when The Human cleans the cat box, she'll find it. Then she'll think there are more beads in there and she'll have to sift through the whole thing.
Bwahahahahahahahaha!
I told you I was crazy.
Oh yes. If you want the necklace and earring set, The Human listed it here.
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