The Monster Mash (It Was a Graveyard Smash)

I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

He did the mash
He did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the monster mash

From my laboratory in the castle east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from my electrodes


They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the monster mash


The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolf Man 

Dracula and his son 

The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"


They played the mash
They played the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They played the mash
It caught on in a flash
They played the mash
They played the monster mash


Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?"

It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
The monster mash
And it's a graveyard smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash

Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band
And my monster mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you

Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
The monster mash
And do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash

Souvenir bracelet of that famous night right here.

Jewelry Highlights from Paris and Milan

Jewelry hunting at last year's spring ready-to-wear collections was like shooting fish in a barrel. Everywhere you looked there were huge statement necklaces, boatloads of bangles and lots of layered links.

This year? The runway shine is as dull as a Michael Bolton quickstep.

HOWEVER - there are two noteworthy designers that used the jewel to make their lines pop: Giorgio Armani in Milan and Zac Posen in Paris (his show wrapped just hours ago). Observe...

Armani's Spring Ready-to-Wear collection was all about midnight madness. The navy night sky in Africa was Mr. Armani's inspiration, according to Style.com - and the jewelry he chose echoed the sentiment beautifully (I'm digging out my midnight sapphires as we speak...).

Zac Posen's line was more flirty, feathered and flapperish - with mesh jewelry styles that scream "Industrial Maven meets Prohibition Chic". Bravo.

With the Parisian pret-a-porter extravaganza just underway, some of my favorite designers are still on the calendar - Dior/Galliano, Chanel and Jean Paul Gaultier. Will they bejewel their beauties? Stay tuned...

Halloween Colors Found in Nature

Bengal tigers...

Coral and Hypersthene...

Milkweed bugs...

Butterflies...

Orange calcite...

Long-horn beetles...

Trilobite beetles...

Coral and Hypersthene...

Pacific starfish...

Sally Lightfoot Crabs...

black onyx, carnelian...

Baltimore orioles...

Red-ruffed lemurs...

Poison-dart frogs...

Orange calcite, coral, black onyx...

sea slugs...

Hypersthene...

Clownfish...

Cornerstoregoddess Bracelets... ;0)

Satyr-comma Butterflies...

The lemur left the bracelet here.

The Change of the Lighter Brigade

1.


Half a pound, half a pound,
Half a pound downward,
Down toward their goals,
A weight has been lifted.
 “Forward, the Lighter Brigade!”
“Change for the better!” he said.
Down toward Goal Weight
With his fat kindred.


2.


“Forward, the Lighter Brigade!”
Did you see what they all weigh'd?
Oh, how confidence grew.
No workout’s been hinder’d:
Theirs not to cause a riot,
Theirs not to simply try it,
Theirs but to do and diet:
Down towards Goal Weight
Rode the fat kindred.


3.


Caramel to right of them,
Candy to left of them,
Buffet in front of them
They felt haggard and hunger’d
Bellies rumbled and thunder'd;
Tempt’d with snacks on shelf
Finally taking care of self
Boldly they go and well,
Into their jaws went less,
No longer feel like Hell.
Go, my fat kindred.


4.


Flash'd all their bodies bare,
Put on some underwear!
Flesh no longer in disrepair
Changing their body, while
All the world notice'd:
Plunged into workout-mode
Cracked the healthy eating code;
Excuses and bad habits
Flush’d down the commode
To depths remotest.
Others may gain back, but
Not my fat kindred.


5.


Salad to right of them,
Fresh fruit to left of them,
Fresh veggies in front of them
Steam’d and sauté’d;
Sprinkle'd with Mrs. Dash,
Olive oil (just a splash),
Have they’ve quit putting trash
Down thro' the jaws of theirs?
Oh yeah you bet your ash!
Little is left of them,
Left of my fat kindred.


6.


Let us their story share
‘Bout the new slacks they wear!
‘Bout this weight lifted.
Honor the change they made,
Honor the Lighter Brigade,
Not-so-fat kindred.


With apologies to Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Jack Sh*t Interview with Biggest Loser Shay

 

I was mindlessly twittering away the other night, when I saw this tweet flash up on the screen:

shayBL: I wonder if I can get to 10,000 followers by Tues

I remembered Shay as the biggest Biggest Loser gal on Season 8 of that show where everybody tries to lose a bunch of weight. I remember liking her, so I decide to lend her a hand in her efforts to build her Twitter audience.

JackSht: I once got 100 followers by eating 15 lightning bugs. Maybe if you ate 200... RT @shayBL: I wonder if I can get to 10,000 followers by Tues

But then I thought about it some more, and frankly… I got a little ticked off, so I let her know about it…

JackSht: @shayBL It’s kinda classless to beg for Twitter followers. Plus, it’s kind of my shtick...

Then something really strange happened. I regularly shoot off quirky twitter messages to famous folks, and generally @hungrygirl is the only one who’ll ever take the bait (and then, only rarely). But Shay jumped right into the fray and started mixing it up…

shayBL: @JackSht I'll keep the advice and try not to step on your toes

JackSht: @shayBL Looks like it wouldn't hurt as much now as it once would. ;)

shayBL: @JackSht definitely not. You’re perceptive… thanks for noticing. LOL

JackSht: @shayBL I'm known for my perceptivity. BTW, has anybody told you look kinda like that fat chick from Biggest Loser?

shayBL: @JackSht so weird you say that? no they say I look like the smoking hot chick from the BL finale! Have they told you that you resemble an..

Well, it went on from there, enough that I now consider Shay to be one of my BFFs, and so I asked her to take part in a little interview for Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit.

Jack: What’s your favorite kind of pie? 

Shay: Prior to BL? Peach cobbler. Okay, so it’s really not a pie, but my family is southern. Second best would be sweet potato back when I thought I had to have things like that to make me feel good. Now I love Larabars "apple pie" if  I MUST. 

Jack: What’s your second favorite kind of pie?

Shay: I guess this is why you should read ahead in interviews so you don't waste a perfectly good answer in the first one.

Jack: If you owned a bakery, what do you think would be your three best-selling kinds of pie?

Shay: Mud pies (real mud). Always loved making those as a kid. Wait, is this really what you want to ask me?

Jack: Since you’re a step-mom, what’s your take on childhood obesity?

Shay: It’s a HUGE problem (okay no pun intended).  Being a step mom of two stick-thin kids, I still realize the importance of healthy choices and of teaching healthy habits. We do all of the healthy stuff as a family. When we are out with friends or fam, you hear the kids “educating” others on healthy choices. It’s pretty darn cute.

Jack: Who would win a knife fight between Bob and Jillian?

Shay: Definitely Bob... it’s always the ones that smile you got to watch out for. Jillian is a yeller; you always know the biggest bark is not the biggest bite!

Jack: You have a dime and a dollar, you buy a dog and a collar, the dog is a dollar more than the collar, how much is the collar?

Shay: Whatever is left over. Sorry, I always sucked at math. It’s a learning disability and apparently it also applied to the number of pies one should eat.

Jack: What did you have for breakfast this morning?
Shay: I had 1 cup steel cut oats and ¼ cup blueberries with tablespoons almond milk.

Jack: What is your position on skinny-dipping?

Shay: Clothed and on the beach. Although these days loose skin could double as clothing.

Jack: There was an airplane crash, and every single person on board died, but two people survived. How is this possible?

Shay: Umm, that’s kind of a morbid riddle. Pass.

Jack: If there were one question you wanted me to ask during this interview, what would it be? And as follow-up, what’s the answer to that question?
Shay: What’s with the morbid riddle? You're morbid? Obviously not morbidly obese though or you wouldn’t have to ask about pie…

Jack: What was your favorite cartoon as a kid?

Shay: Smurfs. Nothing like little blue people with only one chick in the village being chased and tormented by a creepy wizard.
 
Jack: What’s the one food that you can’t trust yourself around?

Shay: It was ice cream, but now I can’t even look in the direction. Some days it’s almond butter, but more often than not its POPCHIPS and seriously... that’s no ad… they don’t pay me… but dang, those little bags of fun make you want to shrink your head so you can stick it in the bag and get every crumb.

Jack: Can you boil down your best fitness advice in five words (and five words only!)?

Shay: Eat less move more NOW

Jack: While you were at the Biggest Loser Ranch, did you ever watch Biggest Loser? If so, was it really weird?

Shay: No, we didn't have any TV or anything else fattening. It was weird to watch it at home because I was already half a person less.

Jack: What Biggest Loser contestant do you think would be most likely to get jiggy with me?
 
Shay: Hmm… that Christopher Blackburn looks like a jiggy guy!

Jack: What’s the most satisfying part of losing the weight you’ve lost?

Shay: Besides not finding it… really it would be that I am not scared of living anymore. I live my life to the fullest every day, and I am healthy and happy and no pie is worth losing that.

Jack: You may not want to answer this, but what’s your deepest, darkest secret?

Shay: I already told it all on national TV!!!!

Jack: HOW DO I TURN OFF “CAPS LOCK”? I JUST TURNED IT ON AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF.

Shay: …

Thanks to Biggest Loser Shay for being a good sport and a fantastic Twitter pal (even if she won't follow you back). You rock, Shay!

 Answers to trick questions: The collar was a nickel and the two survivors were married.

Christina Applegate Designs Jewelry

 

Celebrity jewelry designers are a dime a dozen these days, but I'm happy to report Christina Applegate is flexing her creative muscles for a cause other than the status of her own bank account. 

People reports the pregnant Samantha Who? star is assisting designer, Alex Woo to create a pendant necklace to honor Breast Cancer Awareness month and raise money for her Right Action for Women foundation.  A breast cancer survivor, herself, Applegate was honored to be a part of the process.

“This piece reminds me so much of the roses I made out of ribbons for my friends and family while in the hospital,” Christina told People. “I am so grateful to Alex for creating such a beautiful piece to benefit Right Action for Women. Proceeds from the necklace will help women at high risk for breast cancer get the screenings and testing they need to beat this disease.”

The tree and branches within the pendant–offered in both silver ($198) and gold ($998)–are designed to signify balance, peace, harmony and the curves of a woman. The seven leaves represent each day of the week, reminding women to live everyday to the fullest.


Interested in joining the fight - and looking fabulous while you're at it? Visit alexwoo.com to purchase the tree necklace just in time for Breast Cancer Awareness month in October.

Random Thoughts on Equinox

Hooray!  Autumnal equinox!
A time of year when birds in flocks
Seek warmer climes (or else wear socks)
And we yearn to set back our clocks.



To explain this time autumnal
Needs astronomy awesome-nal.
12 hours sun is the outcome-nal.
12 hours dark.  That's it, in sum-nal.



Long ago, a Greek ~ Hipparchus
Watched the skies and made remark-es,
And before him, Aristarchus
(Though he failed to trader-markus).



When sun crosses the equator,
Day and night?  Neither one's greater
But the earth's axis is straighter
Than at solstice, which comes later.





Celebrate with a bracelet that doesn't bother explaining why Autumnal Equinox falls on either September 22nd, 23rd, or 24th, or why day and night aren't really the same length that day.

Another Jack Sh*t Challenge

Special thanks to *Results Not Typical Girl for sending me the kick-ass googley-eye glasses.