• Praying to God for a good weigh-in is all well and good, but hedge your bets by also praying to Allah, Buddah, Satan, Zeus, Apotamkin and Oprah.• Have a 10-pound bowel movement.
• Hop on when scale’s not looking.
• Squint your eyes when you look at the number.
• Don’t eat any black cat on your weigh-in day.
• Decide on the bare minimum number of teeth you need and have others yanked.
• There’s nothing in the Weight Watcher’s rulebook that says you can’t wear only body paint to your weigh-in. Oh yeah? Well, show me! Show me right now!
• You can easily turn your bathroom into a sauna by hiring a company that turns bathrooms into saunas.
• Don’t do anything that will cause water retention, such as eating salty food, working out right before your weigh-in or getting in a water balloon fight.
• Skip your pre-weigh-in snack.
• Dieticians and doctors won’t tell you this, but you can actually set your scale to give you a lower weight.
• Do you really need both of those heavy, heavy kidneys?
• Take off any tattoos before stepping on scale.
• If you can, levitate just a little at the exact moment of weigh-in.
• If you weigh in weekly, try eating less and exercising more for six-and-a-half days before your weigh-in.
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