More Signs That You Have a Bad Personal Trainer

• Just wants you to do jumping jacks in the parking lot for an hour.

• Charges 99¢ a minute.

• Admits to being a Nazi war criminal.

• Stays on phone for entire session, in which you overhear several comments about “this fat loser that I’m working with right now.”

• Not sure what a “lunge” is.

• Insists that you wear thong and ass-less chaps during session.

• Keeps curling up under bench press bench and falling asleep.

• All instructions are in baby talk.

• Wears a shirt that reads “CERTIFIED PERSONAL TRAITOR”

• Whips you across the back with belt while you’re doing rowing machine.

• Carries a water bottle filled with Jack Daniels.

• Hits you in the facew with pepper spray if you don’t finish a set.


• Keeps talking about some post his buddy Jack wrote on his dumbass blog.