That Rudolph

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,
Comet and Cupid and Donder and Blitzen.
But do you recall
The most famous reindeer of all?

Well, yeah.  Of course you do.  Old Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer has been sung about and has popped up on TV specials and lunchboxes and decorations since 1939, when he was the character in a book written by Robert L. May and published my Montgomery Ward, which gave it away as a free coloring book.  In its first year of publication, 2.4 million copies of Rudolph's story were distributed.  Rudolph gained further fame in the Johnny Marks song, written in 1949, and made famous by Gene Autry.

What the song, and the holiday specials, and Mr. May didn't mention wad that Rudolph was a klutz.  Yep.  Four left feet.  Mr. Uncoordination.  Known to his friends as "LookoutherecomesRudolph!"



Here you see him crashing through a Christmas tree.

Remember the song, "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"?  Guess which reindeer was responsible.  None other than Rudolph.



Do you recall the story of "Olive, the Other Reindeer"?  She was actually a dog, but when she went to help Santa, escaping an irate postal employee, Rudolph smashed into her on the ice skating pond and sent her across the ice like a hockey puck.




Sure, he looks all graceful flying through the sky.  There's nothing to bump into up there, except the moon, and even nearsighted Santa can see that when they're heading straight for a lunar landing.  It's on the ground that Rudolph's a menace.

That's why all of the other reindeer give him a wide berth when he's landlocked.



They tried putting bumpers on him, but that just enabled Rudolph to crash into a wider path of objects.



Finally the bruised and battered reindeer scheduled an intervention and attempted to get at the cause of Rudolph's problem.  They all chipped in for a good therapist, who helped Rudolph work through some difficult childhood memories.



And what Rudolph finally realized was that, as a young reindeer, in all the hustle and bustle at the North Pole, the only way he got any attention from the elves in the off-season was by accidentally injuring himself and others.

This discovery really opened Rudolph's eyes.  And from that day forward, well, he kept running into things, but at least now he knew why.  That's how therapy works.



The reindeer on the bracelet are shown trying to keep out of Rudolph's path.  No one needs a stubbed hoof or a sprained antler right before Christmas.

Reindeer Games Gone Glam

Breaking news: Rudolph apparently has a nose for the jewelry business.

Jewelry lovers who are hoping for, say, a nice tasteful pair of diamond studs or an inexpensive gemstone piece for the holidays this year might be disappointed to find a lovely pendant made out of that rarest of materials - reindeer dung - under the tree instead.

Yup. Sparkly reindeer-dung necklaces are indeed on sale at an Illinois zoo that hopes to attract the same holiday shoppers who swept up their dung Christmas ornaments last year. The limited-edition Magical Reindeer Gem contains dried, sterilized reindeer droppings -- sprayed with glitter (of course) -- on a beaded chain. They'll be available at the Bloomington zoo's gift shop for $15, or by mail for $20.

Miller Park Zoological Society spokeswoman Susie Ohley told the Chicago Tribune that while 'silly', she estimates the zoo could make as much as $16,500 - a welcome windfall since they lost $200,000 under city budget cuts this year.

Stop 'taking crap' and sell it instead - not a bad business plan.

What do you guys think? Would you wear jewelry made from Dancer's droppings? Or are you strictly a dung-less consumer?