Sh*tJack TightPants

Are ya ready to lose weight, kids?
Aye aye crap-tain! 
I can’t hear you.
AYE AYE CRAP-TAIN!!!!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
Who blogs every day about obesity?
Sh*tJack TightPants!

Committed and awesome and humble is he.
Sh*tJack TightPants!
If diet-tal nonsense be somethin’ you want,
Sh*tJack TightPants!

Then stop by every day (but put down that croissant).
Sh*tJack TightPants! 


Ready? Sh*tJack TightPants!

Sh*tJack TightPants!

Sh*tJack TightPants!
Sh*tJack TightPaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaants!

Bikini Bottom Bling

SpongeBob SquarePants is turning 10 this year (feeling old now?), and to celebrate he’s getting a blingy makeover from hip-hop and fashion impresario, Russell Simmons.



Isn’t that what every sea-dwelling sponge lives for?

Simmons Jewelry is collaborating with Nickelodeon/Viacom Consumer Products on a SpongeBob SqaurePants jewelry and watch line that will hit stores in time for fall. In the meantime, a signature SpongeBob pendant is being auctioned off for Simmons’ Diamond Empowerment Fund and is making its glittering debut at the Sundance Film Festival this week, where they are staging the first-ever SpongeBob live cast reading.

One lucky kid will get to wear a whopping 12 carat diamond-encrusted SpongeBob around their little neck if the ‘rents pony up. The design is an abstract interpretation of Mr. SquarePants and includes white diamonds as well as color enhanced yellow, red and blue diamonds set in 18KT yellow and white gold.

“We are always looking for innovative ideas to develop fine jewelry and the Nickelodeon partnership to license SpongeBob is the perfect addition to the Simmons Jewelry Co. family," said Russell Simmons, who will be on-hand to announce the partnership at Sundance.

The entire retail collection will feature a variety of designs using enamel, gold, silver, and diamonds. Prices will range from $150 to $75,000 clams.

Getting “Happy Squared” never looked this good.