Bad. Badder. Worstest.

Bad: You can’t run because you don’t have any good running shoes.

Badder: You can’t run because you don’t have any feet.

Worstest: You can’t run because you just don’t feel like it, and when you stop and think about it, that’s much worse than you not actually having any feet.



Bad: You can’t remember if you still belong to a gym or not.

Badder: You can’t remember the last time you worked out.

Worstest: You can’t remember if you’re right-handed or left-handed.



Bad: You drink six or more cups of coffee each morning.

Badder: Your blood type is Espresso.

Worstest: Starbucks opens a location in your living room.



Bad: Your pants are getting a little too snug.

Badder: Your shirt’s getting so tight that a button just popped off.

Worstest: Your skin’s getting so tight that a freckle just popped off.



Bad: You suffer hunger pangs before bed.

Badder: You suffer hunger pangs between meals.

Worstest: You suffer hunger pangs while eating.



Bad: Nothing in your closet looks good on you.

Badder: You’re having trouble finding any pants that fit.

Worstest: You’re having trouble finding any deodorant that fits.



Bad: You’ve been drinking 2% milk instead of skim milk.

Badder: You’ve been drinking whole milk instead of 2% milk.

Worstest: You’ve been drinking heavy whipping cream instead of whole milk.



Bad: Your office nickname is “Pudge Muffin.”

Badder: Jenny Craig reps constantly stop and give you their business cards.

Worstest: Weight Watchers introduces new diet named specifically after you.