Cooking with Jack: Air Pudding

Welcome to "Cooking with Jack", the cooking show sponsored by... well, this is me practicing for when "Cooking with Jack" is actually sponsored by somebody.

I was trying to come up with a fantastic recipe that's low-fat, low-sugar, low-calorie and low-everything and then I remembered a dish that my buddy Stephen at Who Ate My Blog just raves about... my famous Air Pudding.

 

Take two cups of distilled water. If you don't have distilled water, you can substitute tap water, rain water, snow water,
filtered water, soft water, hard water or de-ionized water.

 

 

Now pour the water into a pot and cook at medium high-low heat until it's boiling.

Boil for 20 minutes or so, until the water is completely evaporated.

Pour the remaining mixture into a bowl.

Add a half cup of nada.

 

Pour in three-quarters cup of zilch.

A couple of squirts of diddley-squat.

One tablespoon of nought.

And one half teaspoon of nothing-at-all.

Whisk in one fresh goose egg.

And that's all there is to is. A fresh, airy, delightful dish that you can have as much of as you want and not gain weight. 

Bon air petit!

Next on "Cooking with Jack":

What To Do In a Kitchen Emergency

(Such As When You Squirt Ketchup All Over Your Hand)

Cooking with Jack: Jacked-Up Watermelon

 

So, the other morning I'm having breakfast and I started really having a craving for something cold and refreshing. And that makes me think that I haven't done a "Cooking with Jack" webisode in quite some time, so strap in and get ready as I "kick things up a notch" (don't any of you other cooking show peeps steal my "notch-kicking" line).

 

I've got it!

I'll show you how to take one of God's most perfect creations... the watermelon... and make it... ummm... perfecter.

 

First you'll need some tequila...

Dammit! This has got a bunch of Spanish gibberish on it, so I'm not sure if it's tequila or apple juice.

There's one way to check... yes, go to the computer and see what the Spanish translation for "apple juice" just happens to be...

Or just taste it, I suppose...

Mmmmm... NOT apple juice.

Now, take one cup of tequila (whew... luckily I had just enough for this recipe).

Pour tequila into small saucepan. If you don't have a saucepan, you can use a pot.

Now add one cup of water.

 

Next add three-quarters cup of Triple Sec.

 

That's right... pour it right in there. Geez, do I have to describe each step in pain-staking detail?

 

Next, pour out one cuppa sugar.

 

Slowly pour sugar in the liquid mix as you cook mixture over medium low-high heat.

Boil that mess for a minute or so, until the sugar dissolves. Did I tell you to stir it? With a spoon? Just how helpless are you?

 

Now take your favorite stabbing knife and gut the watermelon.

Cut that bitch up into one-inch slices and place them on tray.

 Like so...

Pour the cooled-down syrup mixture over the slices.

If I'm taking this to a party or something, I leave the rinds on; if they're just for the family to gobble on, I cut the rinds off. I'm a mystery...

The most difficult part of this whole deal is finding enough fridge space to chill these rascals. Let 'em soak for at least an hour (but preferably two or three)...

 

Once they've chilled, add lots of lime juice and margarita salt.

Lemme just tell you, this puts the "F" in "OMFG!"

Next on "Cooking with Jack":

What to do when you've got too much zucchini squash...

"Cooking with Jack" - Cobbler Gobbler

 

Welcome to "Cooking with Jack," the cooking show that.... ummmm... shows cooking. 

 

I'm working with a little less space than usual due to the fact that my dishwasher is on the fritz. A few years ago, we purchased the fanciest, most expensive dishwasher available. It was whisper-quiet and, I believe, utilized some sort of alien technology. Not only did you not have to rinse dishes off before loading, you were encouraged to put more food on each plate before sticking it in. Clearly, this was a dishwasher with an attitude. Until it developed a problem with washing dishes. After over a dozen service calls and having every single part of the machine replaced, we finally pulled it out and unceremoniously banished it to the trash heap.

 

So, this year, we took the opposite approach. Buy the cheapest dishwasher on the market and hope that it lasts a couple of years. We almost made it, too, only missing it by 20 months...

 

So... I need a recipe that won't dirty up a bunch of dishes...

 

Hmmmm... maybe something with all these fresh blueberries I got at the farmer's market this morning. I know, I'll give you my wife Anita's fast-and-easy cobbler recipe!

 

Preheat oven to 350° (which, coincidentlly, is the same temperature it is outside where I am today).

 

Now, listen ya dirty rat. Ya take a sticka butta, see? Plop it in a cup and microwave til it melts, see?

 

I'm generally not one to brag, but I recently won a nationwide fatherhood competition...

 

Pour melted butter into an 11x7" pan; if you don't have an 11x7" pan, you can use a 7x11" pan.

 

Now in a smaller bowl, mix together one cup of flour (I'm using a mix of white and whole wheat)...

 

...one cup of sugar...

 

...and one and a half teaspoons of baking powder. Wait... I always get table spooons and teaspoons mixed up.

 

As well as one cup of milk.

 

Once you mix it up together, it should look... well, it should look pretty horrible.

 

Just dump the ugly mess right on top of the melted butter. No need to stir it up. Trust me.

 

Now add a cup (or more) of fresh fruit. You know what I always say... "The more, the berrier!"

 

Sprinkle the top with cinnamon. In the book of Exodus, God instructs Moses to make a holy anointing oil out of cinnamon, cassia, olive oil, myrrh, and hemp. (Exodus 30: 22-33). I don't like to second-guess God, but I think this cobbler would have been a better option for the cinnamon...

 

Cook at 45° for 350 minutes (wait... reverse that). Serve warm topped with scoop of ice cream to take your mouth to its Happy Place.

Next on "Cooking with Jack":

I haven't decided yet... either Cooking Dog or Cooking with Dogs.