Thursday, October 6, 2011
Weight Loss Primer
A is for Appetite
It’s really the cruelest,
And wants us to live
Our lives to the fullest.
B is for BMI
Body Mass Index, you know.
It’s just one other way
To call you “Fatso.”
C is for Calories
Counting them’s our obsession.
The higher the number,
The deeper our depression.
D is for Diet
Kiss those buffets good-bye.
You know you can’t spell it
Without the word “Die.”
E is for Exercise
Time to get tired and sweaty,
And leave all your limbs
Feeling just like spaghetti.
F is for Fat-Free
To help take off the pounds.
But be careful, it’s not always
As low-cal as it sounds.
G is for Green Monster
The smoothie with spinach.
It’ll help start your day right
And keep ya strong to the finich.
H is for High Blood Pressure
Another obesity side effect.
Get it under control or
It’ll leave your life wrecked.
I is for Ideal Weight
Remember, it’s just a number.
If you never quite get there,
Don’t lose any slumber.
J is for Junk Food
It helps your waistline expand.
What part of the word “Junk”
Do you not understand?
K is for Kick-Off
It’s the most important part
Because you’ll never get going
If you never ever start.
L is for Lifestyle Change
This is more than a phase.
It’s something we should follow
For the rest of our days.
M is for Metabolism
Some are fast, some are listless.
If you quit blaming your body,
You’ll end up getting p*ssed less.
N is for Nutrition
It’s time to face facts
Cuz the smarter we are,
The healthier our snacks.
O is for Obesity
A BMI 30 or higher,
You need to lose weight
(Yeah, I'm preaching to the choir).
P is for Plateau
Sometimes weight loss stalls out.
When the going get tough,
The tough go balls out.
Q is for Quitting
You should choose to refuse,
Cuz winners never quit
And quitters never lose.
R is for Raw
Fruits and veggies by the heap.
Make them part of your diet.
Eat ‘em and reap.
S is for Serving Size
When filling those platters,
Please keep this in mind
Size definitely matters.
T is for Trans Fats
The fats that’re most hated.
I’ll take mine more natural
Or non-hydrogenated.
U is for Uphill
This climb’ll leave you aching.
Take pride in your effort and
The progress you’re making.
V is for Veggies
They’re great to consume.
Beet ever so onion,
There snow peas legume.
W is for Weigh-In
It often will disgust us.
When you step on those scales,
Sometimes there’s no justice.
X is for XXL
Our plus sizes are whopping.
Losing weight opens up
Brand new shops for shopping.
Y is for Yo Yo
Weight is down, weight is higher.
That is really one game
That we need to retire.
Z is for ZZZ’s
Get plenty of snoozing.
It’ll help get your head
In the right place for losing.
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