Showing posts with label Glenda. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Glenda. Show all posts

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Three Vegetarian Witches, or Eye of What?!

Once upon a time, there were three witches: Ursula...

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Glenda...

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... and Medea.

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They lived together in a cottage in the woods where they mixed their potions by day and flew reconnaissance missions at night.  Their familiars ~ an owl, some black cats, spiders, a few bats ~ kept them company.  It was a good life.

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But there were problems, as there always are.  The local markets carried limp produce, brown at the edges, unappealing and bland.  There were no local farmer's markets and the ones that could be reached by broomstick had some anti-broomstick ordinances in place.

So Glenda, Medea, and Ursula started to grow their own produce.

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They grew herbs for their potions and vegetables for their table.  They grew greens and tomatoes and eggplants and pumpkins and giant zucchini.  Ursula even rigged a particularly large zucchini to fly like her broom.

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A local skeleton helped them with the gardening.

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And life was good.

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But there were problems, as there always are.    Ursula became uncomfortable with the notion of using animal parts in their brews.  Not only was it disgusting.  Have you ever tried to remove the eye from a newt?  But it was cruel, and Ursula sat down by the cauldron with Medea and Glenda and told them her thoughts.

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It turned out that Medea and Glenda has similar reservations.  They no sooner wanted to dice the tongue of a frog than sit through a Justin Bieber concert.


But witches throughout history had used these ingredients.  They were in all the spell books.  There was no Nouvelle Spell Cuisine from which to draw.


How could they make powerful potions without animal parts?

Still, the witches resolved that they would harm no more animals making their brews.  They used their organic herbs and vegetables, and the potions were  cruelty-free.  Unfortunately, they weren't especially potent.

So again they sat down to think while the cauldron simmered and bubbled.

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Medea started to pace.  She walked the paths around the cottage, and as she paced, she noticed the various stones around her.  They were ordinary stones.  Some were volcanic, some sedimentary, some metamorphic.  But each was different and unique.  This gave Medea and idea.

She hurried back to the cauldron, rocks in both hands, passing some toads who fled at her approach.

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"My dears," she exclaimed.  "Look at these rocks!"

Glenda and Ursula stared, not sure what Medea's point could be.

"Think about it," she said.  "Each rock is different and unique.  Each, it might be said, has a unique power."

Glenda and Ursula had to agree.  They had several volumes about rocks in their library.  "Suppose," Medea continued, "we could obtain the same powers from rocks that we obtain from caterpillar knees.  Suppose certain rocks could grant the same serenity we create with terrapin tonsils.  Would that not be a wonderful advance?"

And so Medea and Ursula and Glenda went to their books.  They read and researched and studied by night.  By day they collected stones and rocks and amulets.  They traded pattypan squash for quartz and rutabagas for aventurine and radishes for jasper.

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Finally they were ready to begin their experiments.  They mixed herbs and vegetables and served them in goblets carved of gemstones.  Little by little, day by day, their potions became more powerful, more specific.

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Each day was filled with new discoveries.  Each night was filled with new recipes.  Soon other witches flocked to the cottage to learn the mysteries Glenda, Medea, and Ursula had unveiled.  They started to blog about their recipes, and even began writing a cookbook.

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Their goal: vegetarian witches with potent organic brews.  They would appreciate it if you would become a follower of their blog.  And maybe put in an advance order on  Amazon for the cookbook.  They'd also appreciate it if you took the pledge: I will not make potions with toad tongue.
Glenda, Ursula, and Medea thank you for your support.



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Ursula, btw, is pursuing her own interests, making better flying zero-emissions zucchini to replace brooms.  She tried working with pattypan squash for a while, but found the aerodynamics challenging.

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A bracelet with all their endeavors (except the zucchini) can be found here.

Monday, August 16, 2010

In the Garden of Witch and Weevil

Ursula, Glenda,

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and Medea are witches.  They have been around for a long time.

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And they are tired of the soggy pathetic produce they get at WitchMart.  It's hard to make a decent potion from limp eyes of newt and moldy bat wings.  And is it really a savings when quality is bad and the workers there don't receive any health benefits?

So this year they decided to grow their own organic witch garden.

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They started as soon as the ground thawed.  They planted night-blooming flowers and succulent pumpkins...

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...adder's fork, blind worm's sting, basil, rosemary, lavender, and tomatoes.  (Why waste all that good tilled soil?)

(Medea would like to correct a misconception about eye of newt and toe of frog and all that Shakespeare silliness.

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The garden newts are used to watch over simmering cauldrons, making sure they don't boil over.  And toads use their toes to stir the brew.)

Frank the Yard Guy was very helpful, especially with the heavy work.  He was actually able to pick up those 200-pound pumpkins.

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His assistant Lenny handled fertilizing and watering.  Lenny is a big believer in bone meal, and believes it to be the perfect fertilizer.

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For pest control, Ursula called on Magee the Owl, who took care of any crop-munching rodents.  Sammy the cat was in charge of tilling the soil, though he had a tendency to confuse it with his familiar litter box.  And E.W. Spider dispatched any insects that messed with the crops.

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Terrell chased off any fairies or pixies who fluttered by to sniff the lavender and pinch the rosemary.  Give a fairy and inch and she'll take your whole crop.

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Of course, Glenda installed a scarecrow to watch over everything.

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By August the garden was thriving, with bounties of herbs and potion ingredients (and all the fixings for a good tomato salad and zucchini bread).

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At last Ursula, Glenda, and Medea could tend to really important issues... like getting their hats ready for the holiday.

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They are confident that you'll all notice that, with their new organic potions, the spells you find around yourself will be of a much higher quality, and they invite you to stop by and sample their wares.