Bad, Badder, Worstest... The Holiday Edition

Bad: You overindulged at the office Christmas party.
Badder: You woke up splayed out in the fountain at the mall.
Worstest: You’re hooked up to a vodka IV right now.

Bad: You ate all the candy out of your kids’ stocking.
Badder: You ate all the candy out of your kids’ stockings… and blamed the dog.
Worstest: You ate all the candy out of your kids’ stockings… and blamed Santa.

Bad: You’ve drunk your weight in eggnog.
Badder: You’ve thrown out all other food in your fridge so that you can keep more eggnog on hand.
Worstest: CNN does story about worldwide eggnog shortage and your name comes up repeatedly.

Bad: Pants are entirely too tight.
Badder: You’ve had to cut the necks out of all your turtleneck sweaters.
Worstest: You can’t find a shawl that fits.

Bad: You realize you haven’t done any meaningful exercise in December.
Badder: You realize you haven’t done any meaningful exercise in 2011.
Worstest: You realize that you have same muscular definition as newborn baby.

Bad: You ate 25 deviled eggs at a holiday party.
Badder: Hostess comes up to talk to you just as you’re jamming entire cheese ball in your mouth.
Worstest: You’re first to arrive at holiday party and food is all gone before second guest arrives.

Bad: You’ve succumbed to a peppermint bark addiction.
Badder: While in line at Starbucks to get Peppermint Mocha Latte, you’re plotting route on your phone to the next closest Starbucks to get another Peppermint Mocha Latte.
Worstest: Doc informs you that your blood type is “O positively peppermint”.

Bad: You’ve decided to put off your healthy living quest until the new year.
Badder: Gym is so busy in January that you’ve decided to wait until it clears out some.
Worstest: Decided that 2012 can just go to hell.

Bad, Badder, Worstest: Holiday Edition

BAD: You sample one of the Christmas cookies you’re baking.
BADDER: You wolf down all the cookies that don’t come out perfect.
WORSTEST: You sit in the kitchen floor and eat an entire bowl of batter.

BAD: You skip a workout to go to office holiday party.
BADDER: You skip a week of workouts to finish up your Christmas shopping.
WORSTEST: You’ve gone into hibernation.

BAD: You’ve got Advent calendar with Hershey kiss for each day in December.
BADDER: You’ve got Advent calendar with chocolate chip cookie for each day in December.
WORSTEST: You’ve got Advent calendar with cheeseball for each day in December.

BAD: You nibbled a bit too much at holiday party.
BADDER: You’ve had a few drinks and a couple plates of party food.
WORSTEST: You pulled up a chair to the buffet table.

BAD: You ate a miniature candy cane.
BADDER: You ate a regular-sized candy cane.
WORSTEST:  You ate a candy cane that’s bigger than your leg.

BAD: You’ve put off marathon training because it’s too cold.
BADDER: You’ve put off 5K training becaue it’s too cold.
WORSTEST: You’re training for a “Glee” marathon.

BAD:  Your sweaters are getting a little tight.
BADDER: You can’t button any of your jeans.
WORSTEST: You’ve got a layered look going before you get dressed.

BAD: At Starbucks, you order Gingerbread Latte with skim, but with whipped cream.
BADDER: At Starbucks, you order a regular Gingerbread Latte with whipped cream.
WORSTEST: At Starbucks, you order regular Gingerbread Latte with gingerbread house.

BAD: You popped a button.
BADDER: You ripped your pants.
WORSTEST: You broke Santa’s lap.

BAD:  You pour eggnog on your breakfast cereal.
BADDER: You ate candy from child’s stocking and blamed it on the dog.
WORSTEST: Friend points out that you’re wearing Christmas tree skirt.

BAD: You ate the chocolates that were supposed to go in the kids’ stocking.
BADDER: You ate the cinnamon buns you were saving for Christmas morning.
WORSTEST: You ate the mistletoe.

BAD: You let your gym membership expire.
BADDER: You’re using your workout DVDs as Christmas ornaments.
WORSTEST: You’ve asked Santa for an industrial-sized FryDaddy.

BAD: You had to poke a new hole in your belt.
BADDER: You wear sweatpants to Christmas Mass.
WORSTEST: You had to let out your Santa Claus costume.

BAD: You can’t stand up to watch entire holiday parade.
BADDER: Other carolers point out that your mouth is full of taffy.
WORSTEST: You go for sleigh ride and two horses keel over dead.

BAD:  You ate half a fruitcake.
BADDER: You chugged a quart of boiled custard.
WORSTEST: You ate the cookies your children left out for Santa… while they watched.

Bad. Badder. Worstest.

BAD: You accidentally pick up a carton of whole milk.
BADDER: You accidentally drink a milkshake.
WORSTEST: You fill the kiddie pool up with heavy whipping cream and go to town.

BAD: You skip a workout.
BADDER: You skip a week of workouts.
WORSTEST: You forgot where your gym is located.

BAD: You ate a little too much shrimp alfredo.
BADDER: Security guards now stop you from entering any Red Lobster.
WORSTEST: Your name is mentioned in article about worldwide shrimp shortage.

BAD: Your favorite top is suddenly too snug.
BADDER: You split your pants.
WORSTEST: A button popped off your shirt and killed a bystander.

BAD: You ate a bowl of ice cream.
BADDER: You just ate an entire carton of ice cream.
WORSTEST: Ben & Jerry’s just named you “Customer of the Year”

BAD: You couldn’t make it through the marathon you trained for.
BADDER: You couldn’t make it through the half-marathon you trained for.
WORSTEST: You just made it through a “Beverly Hillbillies” marathon.

BAD: You were turned down for a date because you're too big.
BADDER: You were turned down for a job because you're too big.
WORSTEST: You were turned down for “Biggest Loser” because you're too big.

BAD: You were really uncomfortable going horseback riding.
BADDER: They couldn’t find a saddle that fit you.
WORSTEST: You broke a horse.

BAD: You tracked your food and went over your allotted calories.
BADDER: You tracked your food and went waaay over your allotted calories.
WORSTEST: You tracked your food and ran out of numbers.

BAD: You tried some pie they were giving samples of at the grocery store.
BADDER: You ate an entire pound cake while checking out.
WORSTEST: You purchased the entire snack and cookie aisle.

BAD: You get popcorn when you go to the movies.
BADDER: You get melted butter on your popcorn when you go to the movies.
WORSTEST: You get melted butter on your Milk Duds when you go to the movies.

BAD: You don’t have any jeans that fit.
BADDER: You don’t have any sweatpants that fit.
WORSTEST: You don’t have any muumuus that fit.

BAD: You put 1,000 Island dressing on your salad.
BADDER: You put croutons, cheese and 1,000 Island dressing on your salad.
WORSTEST: You put 1,000 Island dressing on your hot fudge sundae.

BAD: You pig out immediately after a weigh-in.
BADDER: You pig out during a weigh-in.
WORSTEST: You pig out instead of a weigh-in.

BAD: You eat cheese and crackers on the sofa.
BADDER: You eat chips and dip in bed.
WORSTEST: You eat cold pizza in the shower.

BAD: You read Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit.
BADDER: You read Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit every day.
WORSTEST: You’re Jack Sh*t.