Mesmerize by Baguio..

     City of flowers, summer capital of the Philippines, whatever you may call it..it's the place you've always wanted to come back..the mountains, its landscape, her flowers, the wind, its people. It's been a long time since my last visit to Baguio, 12 years ago..but still the memories, all that is in Baguio lingers. A happy family it seems, I have 2 kids then. We went boating in the man-made lagoon in Burnham Park, took our walk up the 100 stairs, took pictures with the Mines View park and The Mansion as our background. Sweet memories..we even experienced a tremor at 2am in the morning then, an earthquake! whew ..which I thought a monster was opening the door from the other side of a room where we are sleeping ..(",). 

     Travelling 6 hours from Manila, always excited to get there, remembering my 1st visit when I was in college for a leadership seminar sponsored by one of our student society I was a member of. I remember, it was 6 months after the July 16, 1990 earthquake when Baguio, one that was badly hit that time...I could still see the ruins but you would see it's natural beauty  in spite of the tragedy. The warmth of the native people living there..the rich culture, would also make you comeback. 

     My sight longs for Baguio maybe that's why I would always wanted to go back and even wanted to live there. I think this is the place where I can really be one with nature, be what I am, be with other God's creation. It's a beautiful place..being tired of the suburbs' polluted air, the noise..it's a one place that will bring you to your senses.  Though I know there are far better place in Baguio, but still, her flowers leave its color in my eyes.

      One day, two days or even three days are not enough to see the splendor of Baguio ..and maybe after all these tedious days, I would go back there and experience once again the different colors and blooms of Baguio..(",)

Unwritten Letter

I have come across a profile from a certain site and found a letter written by one of my chats. I am fascinated by what he has written, find it romantic and subtle. An unwritten letter maybe for his future partner. Here's the letter written by him....

This is a letter I write to my love...even though we've never met:

I need to be told how you feel. I need to be shown. I need you to communicate with me. I will listen. Forgive me, but when you pull me close one moment and push me away the next; I can't understand. I can't know what to do. All I know is to show you how I feel and hope for honesty and respect in return. I want you to have time to yourself. Yes, I want you to have friends. I want to also be included from time to time...as I will include you. I do this because I want you to know I am proud to walk beside you and I want to feel the same. I do this because I want you to know I have nothing to hide from you. I want you to KNOW I am with you, only you. I want to trust you. No, I don't want to know all your past mistakes. They are yours and you must own them. I am human and have my own. I hope we both have learned their lessons. I want to love your imperfections. I want to love the changing lines in your face year after year. I know we will not always agree, but we can try and understand. When I walk away from an argument understand I do so because I know that people often say things they don't mean. The last thing I want to do is hurt you or reinforce doubts you have about yourself. I want only to lift you up. When you're sick I want to take care of you. I want to tuck you into bed and keep you warm. I'll hold your hand in public and sit beside you when we dine alone. I'll put my arms around you at unexpected times and at others you'll look in my eyes and know I am undressing you in my mind. I want to send you flowers for no reason. I want to leave you notes in places you wouldn't expect to find them. Cards will come in the mail on random days. I want to let you know through your day that I am thinking of you. And at night, while you're asleep, I'll whisper how much you mean to me and hope you'll remember me in your dreams. I want to love and to be loved.

My Pain, My Joy

It was during my seven (7) months of pregnancy that I had come to know that my baby has a congenital defect. It was seen during the ultrasound test that she is hydrocephalic. When the doctor had told me the baby’s condition, it’s as if my whole world suddenly stopped. All those remaining weeks of my pregnancy, I had to undergo serial ultrasound and was really shaken to find out that her spine is curved. Worse came to worst, my baby's back is not fully developed when she was born and she needs to undergo immediate operation to close her back as well as to insert a shunt on her head.

Life has not been that easy for us, but there is a life that has to be carried on. Though doctors told me she wouldn't have a good mental development, it was unfair for my baby not to let her given a chance to see the light of this world. God is the only One who could get back what He has given.

My daughter has been diagnosed with myelomeningocele or arnold chiari malformation II. My little cuddly baby who was only 5lbs more had undergone two (2) types of operation when she was barely a month old. One in the head for the shunt and another on her back to repair her lumbo-sacral. As she was growing, there is no trace that she has mental retardation as what doctors had insinuated when she was still inside my womb. Now that she is four (4) years old, it pains me to see her moving from one place to another though with some limitations, because she wouldn't be able to walk due to damaged nerves in her lower extremities.

But in all of these, I have been thankful to the Lord for the special gift He has given us. We have given her the name Emily Faith Princess, after my name and because through faith, impossibilities had become possibilities.Though there are therapies and medications needed for her to stay healthy, she’s giving us joy and laughter. That baby girl who has limitation in her movement never give us limitation for the joy , the sweetness and embraces she's always giving us.

What's more painful?...

     The "physical" definition of pain is an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage, or described in terms of such damage. But what about the pain that we have experienced emotionally?..well, actual and potential tissue damage are not present here. Emotional pain is what we feel inside..things that make us hurt as if we're bleeding inside.
     Pain, according to Don Ranney in his "Anatomy of Pain" says that it is a perception, not really a sensation, in the same way that vision and hearing are. It involves sensitivity to chemical changes in the tissues and then interpretation that such changes are harmful. This perception is real, whether or not harm has occurred or is occurring. Cognition is involved in the formulation of this perception. There are emotional consequences, and behavioral responses to the cognitive and emotional aspects of pain.
     From that definition..I would say pain depends on what we perceive as painful, how we could tolerate a certain pressure, disaster, calamities, life threatening situation, unacceptable words, a love loss..whatever you have in mind that could stop your world for a while. One thing for sure.. what we think would hurt us is really painful.

     Emotional pain is not necessarily the cause of physical pain..and sometimes..emotional pain can cause physical pain. So what's more painful?...Let me see...I met an accident sixteen years ago, I was crossing the street when a car suddenly hit me and according to some witnesses I flew 4 meters away from where I stand.Does it hurt?..I didn't feel anything during those times because I fell unconscious and didn't even know what had happened. Just after I wake up that I had gotten to know I met an accident. I got bruises and stitches in my head. After six hours, that's when I felt the throbbing pain in my head maybe due to a shock...and every time my head aches I always remember the dreaded pain I had felt that time. After a year, I found out that my boyfriend was dating another woman not only one but two. It hurts and I will found out later these incident will have bearing on what I am going through and what I am writing now.

     As everyone perceives it, it's painful to have trusted someone and yet you found out he doesn't deserve it; very painful to have known that the baby inside your womb would not live a normal life; very painful too to have met a blow from the one you have loved most, receiving every words that you would not even thought he would say; and painful too to find out he's turning you to a fool making every bit of what he had done would took a blame on you...and later to find out he got another woman pregnant...Pain??..Yes! very painful..don't even know how I would live every bit of it..I made some mistakes but who would understand?..the one whom I trusted so much now has lost it..Everyday, the pain seethes in, losing my respect to the person I have been with for the past thirteen years.The happier me turns to be withdrawn, and making happy face though sad within. Painful it is that I can no longer say much words as tears began rolling on my face again...and up to you what you think is more painful...