• You eat a donut, I pour a cup of cat urine on your bed.
• Whenever you blow off going to the gym, I send you a video of me flossing my teeth.
• For every four hours of TV you watch, I donate a dollar to the charity you hate the most.
• While you're in that Mexican restaurant scarfing down chips and salsa and margaritas, I'll be filling your iPod with Rush Limbaugh podcasts.
• Every time you skip breakfast, I leave a voicemail with me talking baby talk for five minutes.
• Whenever you eat a candy bar, I shave a swastika on your pet's side.
• While you're playing games on the computer, I sprinkle chia pet seeds in your underwear drawer.
• Whenever you pull into the drive-thru lane of a fast-food restaurant, I yodel a medley of cowboy songs from the backseat.
• Every time you take a step backwards on your healthy living quest, I write another "You'll Thank Me Later..." post.
