English Bull Terriers on an Atypically Worldess Thursday

 Hugo the English Bull Terrier courtesy of Adam Photography

Earrings available here.

Wanted: Wet Dogs

by Ogden Nash

The truth I do not stretch or shove
When I state that the dog is full of love.

 

I've also found, by actual test,
A wet dog is the lovingest.

 

Get your wet dogs right here.

 

The Hairy Dog

by Herbert Asquith

My dog's so furry I've not seen
His face for years and years:

His eyes are burried out of sight,
I only guess his ears

When people ask me for his breed
I do not know or care:

He has the beauty of them all
Hidden beneath his hair.

  

Bracelet here, dog hair not included.

Pound Puppies and Rescue Mutts and Lampwork Woofs

My Dog May Be a Genius

by Jack Prelusky

My dog may be a genius,
and in fact there’s little doubt.

He recognizes many words,
unless I spell them out.

If I so much as whisper “walk,”
he hurries off at once

to fetch his leash…it’s evident
my dog is not a dunce.

I can’t say “food” in front of him,
I spell f-o-o-d,

and he goes wild unless I spell
his t-r-e-a-t.

But recently this tactic
isn’t working out too well.

I think my d-o-g has learned
to s-p-e-l-l.

This bracelet of merry mutts and pound puppies can be found on etsy.

Mother Doesn't Want a Dog

by Judith Viorst

Mother doesn't want a dog.
Mother says they smell,
And never sit when you say sit,
Or even when you yell.
And when you come home late at night
And there is ice and snow,
You have to go back out because
The dumb dog has to go.

 

Mother doesn't want a dog.
Mother says they shed,
And always let the strangers in
And bark at friends instead,
And do disgraceful things on rugs,
And track mud on the floor,
And flop upon your bed at night
And snore their doggy snore.

 Mother doesn't want a dog.
She's making a mistake.
Because, more than a dog, I think
She will not want this snake.

Non-smelly non-shedding dogs can be found here. 

This post was brought to you by Esmeralda.

If You Want...

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother's...

...then adopt a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want...

...then adopt a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care
about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies...

...then adopt a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores...

..then adopt a dog !

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves
you unconditionally, perpetually ...

... then adopt a dog.

BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness ....

...then adopt a cat.

Cats and dogs here.  No hair.  Honest.

I Think I'll Call Him "Spot"

I found a fine Dalmatian
Wandering by the railroad station
But he led me to frustation
When I asked his derivation.



Was he white with black spot-ation,
Or a study in gradation
From his black to his gray-ation
Then to white on his fur-ation?



(Object of my consternation)

'Twas Three Weeks Before Christmas

'Twas Three Weeks Before Christmas and within our fine house,
I looked all around and remarked to my spouse
Shouldn't a house, at this time of December
Have a lit tree that we all will remember?

Out to the car he went in a hurry,
Eyebrows both raised, and his face full of worry.
Seems that our storage place, so he'd been told
Had been victim to rats, moths, ants, rot, and mold.



Sure enough, the treetop angel'd been mauled.
Thanks to the rodents, the poor thing was bald.
As for the strings of the gold twinkling lights?
Their cords were all covered with tiny rat bites.

Santa was missing his hat and his beard
And of the eight reindeer, at least six looked weird.
Frosty was missing his wee Meerschaum pipe
And his poor back was sporting a suspicious stripe.



All of our treasures and tree-topping splendors
Looked like they'd been maimed by overwrought blenders.
Each little elf we'd collected each year
Now, like VanGogh, was each missing one ear.

How could the holidays be celebrated
Now that our ornaments were desecrated?
Those angels we heard on high would be waylaid
And merry gentlemen would be dismayed!



What would we do with our sad decoration?
Throwing the towel in was a temptation.
How to be festive without our decor
Left us all mulling our woes on the floor.



All our cats stopped by, along with the dog
Who quickly reacted to our depressed fog.
Seeing our sadness and woeful demeanor
He ran off and fetched us his best squeaky wiener.

He then brought his Kong toy, aglow with dog spit,
And his fleecy giraffe and his plushie Brad Pitt,
His greenies and frisbee and best NylaBone,
All heavily scented with doggie cologne.



He brought out his Bobalot and plush Lambchop
(Which was covered in dust and used as a doorstop.)
He brought us his rope and his football for bowser,
Swiped at the dog park from an aging Schnauzer.

Next came his tennis ball, chewed to a flap
Which he gave a last nip and then dropped in my lap.
Some milk bones, a corn cob, a pig's ear half-chewed
And an old chewie postman who'd been chewed half-nude.



Not to be outdone, the cats then insisted
On bringing us toys that had long been black-listed.
Out came their treasures: the pink catnip mouse,
And each jingly ball we'd thought lost in the house,

The feather that dangled from a bamboo stick,
The old Easter bunny and old Easter chick,
The soiled ping-pong balls and the rat that went "squeak,"
And the soft snuggly bed with the soft snuggly leak.



And so, all these toys from the cats and the dog
We hung on the tree as we burned a Yule log.
The chew-up, the drooled on, the past sell-by dated
Were our decorations, and thus it was fated.

As for the icicles, dogs just don't care.
So instead of tinsel we used some dog hair.
The tree stood before us, adorned and unique
Though not one you'd see in a classy boutique.



Then laying a paw, aside of his nose,
The dog circled twice and started to doze.
But the cats all exclaimed (as they gave him a bite),
"Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!"




If you want a bracelet for your Christmas treasure,
Please come and bid and bid more, at your leisure.