How an Eyeglass Chain Saved the World

(this is an example of foreshadowing)

I lost my glasses the other day.  Well, not lost them, exactly.  You see, I have many pairs of glasses.  Many, many, many pairs of glasses.  I have the pair of photosensitive bifocals my optometrist lovingly crafted for me, adjusting the height of the line over and over because it was never quite right, and he really wanted me to like them, but between the laptop and the piano and the beads and the cooking, that poor line was never in the right place.

Then I had my two pairs of sparkly glasses that I bought online for 8.99 a pair.  They were red and had rhinestones.

One pair was for extra close up work, like finding a piece of jewelry in the Bead Cave.  The other pair was for kind of close up, like reading, or cutting the choke out of an artichoke.

I also had a pair at the karate studio, for when I needed to see something there.

And I had several really bad, really cheap pairs of really strong glasses for beading.  When I unwrapped the first pair of those, the lenses fell right out.  (These aren't my beading glasses.  My beading glasses don't actually look this good.)

Well, I broke first one pair of red sparklies and then the other pair of red sparklies.  I couldn't play the piano at all.

I was forced to wear my bifocals while I looked for new sparklies. I almost killed myself walking down the stairs.

One morning, after my shower, I couldn't find the bifocals anywhere.  There were no red sparklies to be found.  The website discontinued them.  And my karate glasses were at karate.

(this is another example of foreshadowing)

This forced me to wear my beading glasses.

I spent the day feeling kind of nauseous.

So finally I felt my way into a CVS and stumbled around until I found the glasses rack.  I borrowed a pair of glasses off the rack to look for glasses I liked, and then used those glasses to read what strength I had chosen and what the new sparkly glasses would cost.

I bought two pairs.

(this is another example of foreshadowing)

I went home with my new sparklies.  I played the piano and worked at the computer and cut the choke out of an artichoke.

I even found my bifocals.  They had fallen behind the toilet.

(You didn't really think I was going to use a toilet picture, did you?)

But just think... if I had used an eyeglass chain, I wouldn't have lost my glasses in the first place.  Well, actually, I would have, but they might have beene easier to spot with a bunch of fish on the chain.

I made these for you so that, if you ever lose YOUR glasses behind the toilet, you'll just need to feel around for the fish.

I do not, however, guarantee that this will make cutting the choke out of an artichoke any easier.

Eyeglass chains in my eBay store.

Artichoke instructions online.  (I recommend using a melon baller.)

Maneki Neko To Do List

1.  Get up.  Wash face with right paw.

2.  Watch humans get excited over waving of right paw.  Watch humans examine checking account to see if the balance has gone up.

3.  Eat breakfast.  Empty bowl with left paw.



4.  Watch humans get excited over waving of left paw.  Watch humans start business hours early.

5.  Nap in front of business.  Take credit for all sales.



6.  Get up and stretch.  Watch humans take it as a sign,

7.  Eat lunch.  Watch humans blame lack of sales on lack of maneki neko activity.

8.  Take walk.  Bring good fortune to sailors.  Check out calico neko down the street.

9. Return to shop.  Wash face with right paw. Watch humans check bank balance.

10.  Pretend to nap.  Watch human sigh and close shop.



11.  Follow human home.  Raise right paw when human's back is turned.

12.  Eat dinner.  Raise left paw when human's back is turned.

13.  Make tomorrow's To Do list.

14.  Nap.



Maneki nekos with an agenda can be found here.

Yet Another Maneki Neko Tail

I've told several of the maneki neko origin stories on this blog, telling how the lucky good fortune cat rose to prominence, and why it is believed that the maneki neko brings fortune or business.  Here is a simple tale.

Many have noted similarities between the Maneki Neko's gesture and that of a cat washing its face.



There is a Japanese belief that a cat washing its face signifies that a visitor will soon arrive.

And this belief could easily be related to an even older Chinese proverb which states that, if a cat washes its face, it will rain.



And what easier way to get a visitor inside than a sudden downpour? 



Thus a cat washing its face, or a figure of a cat washing its face, would bring customers into a shop.



So buy one.  Buy several.  It just might work.

What Black Cats Would Say If They Cared to Speak

"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." -- Groucho Marx



"Black cat or white cat: If it can catch mice, it's a good cat." -- Chinese Proverb




"Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there. Theologians can persuade themselves of anything." -- Robert A. Heinlein



"Sometimes it happens that a black cat lets you pass in front of it." -- Author Unknown



"When the tea is brought at five o'clock
And all the neat curtains are drawn with care,
The little black cat with bright green eyes
Is suddenly purring there" -- Harold Monro



"Forecasting future events is often like searching for a black cat in an unlit room, that may not even be there." -- Steve Davidson



"Whenever the cat of the house is black, the lasses of lovers will have no lack" - Folk Saying



"A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it." -- H. L. Mencken



"Black cats can be found here."  -- Cornerstoregoddess

The Purple Picky Kitty Eater

There was a little kitty cat,
No feline could be sweeter.
She purred and did good cat-like things
But was a picky eater.



This cat preferred the types of foods
That came in shades of violet
And when fed foods less purple
She would howl and be un-quiolet.



Blackberries were her entrees
And those 'taters from Peru,
Eggplants, plums and rotkohl
With some boysenberry stew.



Green beans that were purple,
Plummy basil and some taro,
Which she chased with sun-kissed ripened grapes
That she stole from a sparrow.



And then one day it came to pass
(As we all feared it would)
She turned a shade of purple
(Though on her it looked quite good.)



You'll find her on this eyeglass chain
With beads in all her hues.



Just hope she doesn't change her mind
And switch to foods chartreuse.

Make Merry While the Sun Shines

Merry

No one's hangin' stockin's up,
No one's bakin' pie,
No one's lookin' up to see
A new star in the sky.





No one's talkin' brotherhood,
No one's givin' gifts,
And no one loves a Christmas tree
On March the twenty-fifth.




---Shel Silverstein



So the time for these eyeglass chains is now!

Leave This Haiku Alone...

Are autumn leaves called



Leaves because that's what they do



When autumn arrives?



Get an eyeful here.

Black Cats, Good Luck, and Haiku

Black cats bring bad luck



(says the old superstition)



If you're wearing white.



Get and eyeful here.