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Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving, jewelry hounds. Turkey jewelry doesn't seem like a good idea, but these items just cracked me up.

Be sure to carbo load for that Black Friday blitz tomorrow!

Rinky-Dink

So... 

I'm taking Pisa and her pal roller skating last Saturday since she's been such a great kid and my wife Anita's seeing-eye monkey. Usually, when I take her and her friends skating, I get comfortable and spend a couple of hours farting around on my laptop.

 

But this time, Pisa asks how come I never go skating, too. I realize that I talk quite a bit about how one of the great benefits to living a more fit life is not having to sit on the sidelines, so...

 It's time to lace 'em up and show Pisa that her old man is still The Wheel Deal.

 Okay, this doesn't feel quite as stable as they did when I was thirteen. Was this a mistake or simply a bad idea?

 I tell the lady sitting at the table near our stuff to do me a solid and get ready to dial "911"...

I say a quick prayer to the Disco Gods to give me skill, balance and dexterity.

 Oh yeah, the kid's still got it. Did you know skating burns 350 calories per hour?

 Ten times around the track and I've only knocked down three little kids. Don't worry--I'll knock down more when I fully get my balance.

 Great! Pisa's skating backwards on her stupid inline skates! Better show her something she CAN'T do...

 

 Get up a load of speed and... WHOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA!

"Ummmm, Dad? Maybe you oughta go sit down over there and fart around on your laptop for a while."

.

The Goddess Facility

The goddess of fertility,

Earth mother-like ability



She deals with life's futility

And does it with tranquility.

 

My charms have some mobility.  (They are now available on both etsy and eBay.)

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Bodfather: Last, But Not Least

Subject #5 in the "Bodfather"

Witness Reduction Program: Billie

 

Height: 5’4”
Current weight: 411 lbs.

When I began this “Bodfather” series, I went into it with a vague idea of the kind of person I wanted to participate in the project.

Someone with a huge hurdle in front of them.

Someone who maybe didn’t get the support or encouragement they needed to succeed.

Someone whose story might make others sit up and take notice.

My original idea was to just go with one individual, but after receiving over 100 interested applicants, I expanded it out to four.

Then I heard from Billie. At 400+ pounds, this thirty-something year-old homeschooling mom realizes that this is a make-it-or-break-it point in her life. But it wasn’t the amount of weight she’s looking to lose that convinced me that I wanted to be a part of Billie’s journey; it was her unflagging spirit that captured my imagination.

Billie’s spent far too long on the sidelines of her own life. She’s sick and tired of all the things she can’t be, all the things she can’t do.

“I am fully and painfully aware of, at all times, the limitations placed on me because of my size,” she told me recently. “About a year ago, when I was working out pretty steadily, I was walking into the Y when I heard a little girl say to her mom, ‘Mama, what did that woman do to her body?’

“I wish I had turned around and answered that little girl. Not harshly at all–she really wanted to know. And I hope her mama told her. I hope she didn’t just say, ‘Shhh–don’t say that honey, it’s not nice.’ I hope she told her all about how important it is to stay active, and eat your fruits and veggies, and not just eat because it tastes good and you want some more or because you’re sad/happy/angry.

“I hope she told her that just because I was bigger didn’t mean that I was any different from anyone else, that what mattered most when it came to people was what was on the inside, that someone can have a outwardly beautiful appearance and be unbearably ugly inside.”

Billie may be big, but she's been blessed with  thick skin, so she tries to live her live with as much humility and good grace as possible. She’s used to being pointed at, giggled at, smirked at. She may not like it, but she tries not to let it get her down.

“I am not particularly sensitive about my weight, or even the word fat,”, she says. “It’s simply an adjective. It’s the state I’m in now, not who I am. And I’m really okay with that, because I am doing what I can to move in the right direction.”

I’d like to take credit for creating the spark that’s slowly turning into a raging inferno inside of Billie, but I think I’m more of a witness than a catalyst. From the very first moment of our ongoing communication, Billie’s been more gung-ho about her weight-loss mission than anyone I’ve ever seen. She wants it badly, and she wants it now.

As Shakespeare once said, “What’s past is prologue.” Billie’s writing a new, brighter future for herself. She’s even started her own blog in order to document her successes and setbacks. She knows she's got a long road in front of her, but she’s ready... check that... she’s eager to get going.

Me? I can’t wait to see how her story turns out…


Measurements (in inches)

Biceps - 19
Waist  - 45.5
Hips - 74.75
Thigh -  40
Body fat percentage: 61.8%

Another Look at Hanukkah

A few days ago, I told the story of Hanukkah.  Here's a lighter take - Adam Sandler's Hanukkah lyrics, with some footnotes from Wikpedia and some bracelet pictures (and an extra verse) from me.



Intro: This is a song, that uh, there's a lot of Christmas songs out there, but not too many about Hanukkah, so I wrote a song for all those nice little Jewish kids who don't get to hear any Hanukkah songs.  Here we go...

Put on your yarmulke, here comes Hanukkah.
It's so much fun-akkah to celebrate Hanukkah.

Hanukkah is the festival of lights,
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights.

When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree,
Here's a list of people who are Jewish, just like you and me:

David Lee Roth lights the menorah.
So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah. 



Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli:
Bowzer from Sha-Na-Na, and Arthur Fonzerrelli.

Paul Newman's half Jewish; Goldie Hawn's half too.
Put them together--what a fine lookin' Jew!

You don't need deck the halls or jingle bell rock
Cause you can spin the dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock--both Jewish!



Put on your yarmulke, it's time for Hanukkah,
The owner of the Seattle Super Sonic-ahs celebrates Hanukkah.

O.J. Simpson-- not a Jew!
But guess who is...hall of famer Rod Carew--(he converted!)
(this is an error; Carew married a Jewish woman, but he did not convert to Judaism)

We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby,
Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish--not too shabby!
(This is an error; Ford's mother is actually fully Jewish.)



Some people think that Ebeneezer Scrooge is,
Well, he's not, but guess who is!  All three Stooges.

So many Jews are in the show biz-a--
Tom Cruise isn't, (but I heard his agent is-a).

Tell your friend Veronica, it's time you celebrate Hanukkah.
I hope I get a harmonica, on this lovely, lovely Hanukkah.

So drink your gin-and-tonic-ah, but don't smoke your mara-juanic-ah,
If you really, really wanna-kah, have a happy, happy, happy, happy
Hanukkah!  Happy Hanukkah!

If you really wanna-ka celebrate Hanukkah,

Check out this bracelet, shot with my Konica.

(Not true.  I used a canon PowerShot SX200.)