I’ve Never Been Prouder of a Weight Gain

Weekly weigh-in: 216.1
Loss: +1.7
Total loss: -75.9
Emotion: On the rise... in more than one way.

First off… an apology.

There have been times when I’ve been less than understanding about folks’ failure to get the job done on this weight-loss journey.

In my mind, it was always just a matter of doing it or not doing it. I never had time to listen to excuses.

In case you haven’t checked in in a bit (and just where the hell do you think you’ve been?), my wife Anita suffered a detached retina on her only functional eyeball and had to undergo emergency surgery. After that, she’s been blind and bedridden for a couple of weeks, with a couple of doctor appointments (and some additional laser surgery) thrown into the mix.

Anyway, I discovered what single parents and people nursing an ill family member already know: life is tough! (I also learned that you can’t do a week’s worth of laundry in one load, even though all the clothes will “technically” fit into the machine).

Truthfully, I don’t know how some of you do it. By the time I got home from work, got everyone fed and got everything that needed done done, I barely had enough left in the tank to brush my teeth, much less contemplate a workout.

What’s worse, as my activity waned, my appetite seemed to swell. I felt the tug of old bad habits, and relearned what a miserable dining partner stress tends to be.

And to top it all off, my little activity monitor went missing. I underestimated how much logging my caloric burn kept me moving over the course of a day.

I peeked at the scale one morning and cringed when I saw that I was over 220. Clearly, things were going in the wrong direction…

Then one day, Anita called the office and told me that a friend was stopping by for lunch. She encouraged me to go get a lunchtime workout in.

I went in, even though my heart wasn’t much in it.

But a funny thing happens when the sweat starts to pour:  the headaches that may be stressing you out may still be around, but somehow managing them don’t seem so… unmanageable.

My activity monitor turned up in the dryer that night. It had survived who-knows-how-long in heavy-duty heat and spinning out of control, yet it was still okay, still working.

Same goes for me.


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The Haunted Christmas Tree Forest

Did you ever wonder where those Christmas trees go when they've dropped their last needles and and gone crispy?  Sure, you put them out for the recycling truck.  But where do they really go?  The Haunted Christmas Tree Forest.  



Maintained by three ghosts, 



it stands tall, proud, and, well... ghostly all year round.  The ghosts of Christmas Past and Christmas Present
are always there to comment on the past and present.  The Ghost of Christmas Future is expected any day now, and the caretaker ghosts have decorated with all sorts of ghostly floral arrangements amongst the trees.  

You can meet with the ghosts here.

It Was a One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater

(by Sheb Wooley... with necklace and earrings by me)

Well I saw the thing comin' out of the sky
It had the one long horn, one big eye
I commenced to shakin' and I said "ooh-eee"
It looks like a purple eater to me



It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater
(One-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater)
A one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater
Sure looks strange to me (One eye?)

Well he came down to earth and he lit in a tree
I said Mr. Purple People Eater, don't eat me
I heard him say in a voice so gruff
I wouldn't eat you cuz you're so tough



It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater
One-eyed, one-horned flyin' purple people eater
One-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater
Sure looks strange to me (One horn?)



said Mr. Purple People Eater, what's your line
He said it's eatin' purple people and it sure is fine
But that's not the reason that I came to land
I wanna get a job in a rock and roll band

Well bless my soul, rock and roll, flyin' purple people eater
Pigeon-toed, undergrowed, flyin' purple people eater
(We wear short shorts)
Flyin' purple people eater
Sure looks strange to me




 And then he swung from the tree and he lit on the ground
He started to rock, really rockin' around
It was a crazy ditty with a swingin' tune
Sing a boop boop aboopa lopa lum bam boom

Well bless my soul, rock and roll, flyin' purple people eater
Pigeon-toed, undergrowed, flyin' purple people eater
I like short shorts
Flyin' little people eater
Sure looks strange to me (Purple People?)



 And then he went on his way, and then what do ya know
I saw him last night on a TV show
He was blowing it out, a'really knockin' em dead
Playin' rock and roll music through the horn in his head

And now he lives on this beaded set.
Did he end up rich?  Well, no not yet.
But this beader keeps his name alive
In necklace, earrings... that's no jive.

It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater
(One-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater)
A one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater
Sure looks strange to me (One eye?)

You've Got To Hide Your Lard Away

Welcome to "Same Old Sh*t" Saturday, where I used to re-post some of my best posts until I ran out of posts that were worth a crap, so I decided to invite some of my other blogging buddies to share their favorite repeats from their own blogs. Today's entry is from Shauna Reid (better known as the amazing Dietgirl). She's a fantastic communicator and a true inspiration. Check her site out.

I had this brainwave to make a wee photo album for my sister of all travels. We came to Scotland together in 2003 on a working holiday visa, where the idea is to work work work then see as much of Europe as you can before your visa and/or money runs out.

I poked through a gazillion folders trying to find pictures of us in front of famous landmarks but it was slim pickings, folks. Take the first ever trip we did, a long weekend in Paris. I was so excited to finally be off the couch and seeing the world, but wasn't bold enough to want photographic evidence of this newfound adventurousness. Every time I got the camera out I'd think, My hair sucks. I need a new bra. My head is enormous. My body is revolting. And it was hot and my face was red so I told myself, I'll just come back here some day when I'm smaller and better dressed.
 
So all I have are a few dodgy shots with my noggin lurking in a corner.

Even as I lost more weight I still kept hiding. On the rare occasions I let Rhiannon take my picture, I'd bark orders, "Make sure I'm just in the corner! Don't go below the waist! Actually, don't go below the chin!" Or I'd try to hide my body behind statues or trees or sunglasses or hats.

We went on a tour of Russia and Scandinavia in 2004 and I nearly keeled over from Photophobia. Every seven seconds in front of another church or museum someone would shout, "GROUP SHOT!" I'd fight my way to the back row and hide behind the tallest bloke. So despite having been desperate to see Russia my whole life, I only have two fuzzy, barely-recognisable pieces of photographic evidence that I ever went there.

I would love to go back in time and kick my own arse. DUDE! Why didn't you just GET IN THE STINKING PICTURES!? These were once in a lifetime experiences! Sure I looked like hell while travelling, but most people do, especially when you're on a budget.


I know I have the memories in my head, but there's something special about having a souvenir photo on your desktop or mantelpiece. I'd kill to have a decent shot of Rhiannon and I together in Red Square or Reykjavik. We worked long and hard to afford those trips so it's sad not have captured the euphoria and relief on our faces when we finally got there. But at the time it didn't feel like I'd be collecting memories, I just thought I'd be documenting FAT FAT FAT!

My favourite picture from our travels is this one from Estonia in 2004, that Rhiannon took without my knowledge. I look like a clown but I'm clearly not thinking about the fact my jeans were a snug size 18. I'm just thinking, "WOOHOO. Life is a hoot."

Every time I look at it, my resolve is strengthened to just jump into photos then laugh if they turn out dodgy. I'd rather have a dodgy photo of a happy moment than no photo at all. Half the joy is looking back and sniggering at your bad haircuts and questionable taste in fashion. I no longer say "I'll come back another day when I'm skinny", because the moment is already happening... right then and there!

So this is a call to any fellow Photophobes out there. Don't scream! Don't hide! Don't put yourself in a  corner! After all, you don't have to post the pictures on the bloody internet. They can gather dust on your hard drive, ready to make you smile and spark your memory when you're old and grey.


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Finally... a DirectLife Winner!

A few days ago, I ran a contest giving away a Philips DirectLife activity monitor with subscription to a reader who could most passionately communicate their desire for said device. DirectLife Junior Market Intelligence Analyst Antonio Galván Puente took his own sweet time in judging the entries, however I'll cut him some slack since I didn't really tell him I was going to make him judge it.

Dear Jack,

I hope this email finds you doing well. First of all, at DirectLife we are really happy to have read all this stories.

Together with coach José (http://blog.directlife.philips.com/coach-jose/) and coach Jen we went through the posts.

Looking at the benefits of our program (http://www.directlife.philips.com/benefits/) we were really happy to see stories matching the kind of user DirectLife is designed for.

We have chosen this post for this competition, but please feel free to organize two more competitions in the remaining of 2010:

Dear Directlife Junior Market Intelligence Analyst Antonio Galvan Puente-
I am a nurse. Let me clarify I am a fat emergency room nurse. Do you know how hard it is to help someone change their life when they are looking at you thinking "Yeah I'll quit smoking those cigs when you lose some weight tubby". Plus I don't get to pee during my 12 hour shift let alone figure out how much physical activity I am doing. I know lots of nurses secretly wonder how many calories we are burning giving shots in the butt. Just think not only would you be helping me but maybe hundreds no thousands of people. They will look at at that healthy fit nurse giving them discharge instructions and think "Maybe if she can do it so can I". 

Active regards from the DirectLife team, Jack!

Antonio.

______________________________________________

Antonio Galván Puente
Junior Market Intelligence Analyst

So Jessica, email me your shipping info and claim your DirectLife activity monitor.

 

Mourning Jewelry – Cool or Creepy?

(This is a popular older post that seemed appropriate to share again before the Halloween weekend. Be safe and bedazzle, jewelry hounds!)

Most of us associate jewelry with happy occasions like weddings, birthdays and Valentine’s Day. But many folks are wearing jewels these days that symbolize quite the opposite.

Mourning jewelry is apparently all the rage right now, according to TrendHunter, and with vampire chic taking over our pop culture – from Twilight to True Blood - it’s no wonder.

So what is mourning jewelry exactly?

The earliest examples of mourning jewelry were found in Europe in the 15th and 16th centuries. Black and white enameled heads or skulls were often set into both rings and brooches and worn to signify a period of mourning after the death of a loved one.

The jewelry category reached its height of popularity in England with Queen Victoria after the premature death of Prince Albert in December 1861. Black jewelry soon became a must-have accessory, as thousands of Brits sympathized with their grieving Queen.


In the United States the use of mourning jewelry increased with the outbreak of the Civil War, which included the emergence of hair jewelry – lopped off locks given to loved ones by soldiers who went off to war, often worn as pendants or in closed lockets.


Today, mourning jewelry is making a comeback, with young designers like Anna Schwamborn from London designing a range of styles made with the hair and cremated ashes of loved ones mixed with black bone china. Her “Mourning Objects” collection includes a rosary, necklace and a watch chain tear catcher, among other styles.

So what do you think about this ‘trendy’ jewelry category? Would you wear the remains of your loved one around your neck, for example, or in the form of a ring? Or is the thought of it too morbid to even consider?

I'm curious. Has anyone out there worn mourning jewelry before? Share your story!

Ways Being Overweight Is Like Halloween

• You ought to be more scared of it than you actually are
  
  
• You keep a bunch of candy around the house “for the kids”
  
  
• They don’t make the best clothes in your size
  
  
• You detest folks that insist on offering you healthy treats
  
  
• Sometimes you get creeped out when you catch your reflection in the mirror
  
  
• Your children get a lot more exercise than you do
  
  
• Feel as though you’re wearing a bulky costume
  
  
• Can’t walk around the block without stopping at every house and asking for food
  
  
• When you get dressed up, people think you look frightening
  
  
• Insert your own “goblin” joke here
  
• You often steal food from your children
  
  
• You want to hide your face

Things to Remember

I Must Remember

~Shel Silverstein

I must remember…

Turkey on Thanksgiving,

Pudding on Christmas,

Eggs on Easter,

Chicken on Sunday,

Fish on Friday,

Leftovers, Monday.

But ah, me – I am such a dunce.

I went and ate then all at once.

 

A bracelet of plenty here.

Twisted Baseball Necklace Ropes In Players

With the 2010 World Series underway (GO GIANTS!), I had to get an answer to a question many of my guy-friends have asked me this year:

"What's with those weird rope necklaces?"

I have to admit, while I am thrilled to see the menfolk embrace a jewelry tradition, these things look about as appealing as a twisted chain of sea slugs. And neck ropes? They don't really conjure up the warm/fuzzies, if you get my drift...

But apparently there is method to the rope-filled madness (and I mean 'madness' literally).

Phiten, maker of the official "Phiten rope necklace"explains it this way on MLB.com:

"We have a really unique product. It has the effect to stabilize your electric current inside the body. Every single product has been permeated with what we call the aqua titanium. We have technology to dissolve the metal into the water. That specially treated titanium allows the flow of energy."

"So many players believe in our technology, and at the same time, some players wear [them] as a fashion statement, some as a lucky charm. It all depends. There is a reason why they're wearing it -- that special water we permeate into the fabric."

Special water? Electric currents? Aqua titanium? And I thought we women were the only suckers for jewelry marketing. It's never dull in Mudville.

Baseball players may use twisted logic to rock the Phiten rope, but the Los Angeles Lakers don't need ANY excuse to sparkle in one of these little beauties... See Jewelry.com today for more on what folks are calling the most extravagant championship ring in the history of sports!

Send in the Pounds

I'm sorry, Judy Collins

Isn't it rich?
Chocolate éclair.
Sitting there right on my plate.
It’s so unfair,
That it raises the pounds.

Isn’t it bliss?
Maybe just one more bite.
Even though eating like this,
Put me in this plight?
I want to lose pounds.
Here come more pounds.

I thought I had stopped,
Thought I was strong.
Finally understanding what happens
When you eat wrong.

Snacking my stress again
With my usual snacks.
Sure is getting tight,
In the back of my slacks. 

Don't you love fudge?
I do, I fear.
I thought I’d wash it all down 
With a 6-pack of beer.

But where are the pounds?
Quick, send in the pounds.
Don’t bother… they’re here.
 
Ain’t it a b*tch?
Ain’t it a riot?
Losing my way again this
Late in my diet?

And where are the pounds?
There should be less pounds.
Well, maybe next week...



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New Manatees and a Return of the Rhyme

I'm partial to the manatee,
which emanates no vanity.
It swims amidst anemones
and hasn't any enemies.
~Jack Prelutsky



My charms swim here.

"Unstoppable" Jewelry: Glam, Gauche & Gawdawful

Red carpet jewelry hunting season is in full swing, and last night's Unstoppable premiere in Los Angeles brought out some A-list lovelinesss and some D-list dregs.

The Glam:

Rosario Dawson's dusty blue Stella McCartney gown was a hands-down winner, and her Vhernier jewelry added just the right amount of sparkle. Loving the shoulder-duster earrings -a trend I think we'll see a lot more of in the months to come. (See why here).

The Gauche:

Why was Real Housewife of Orange County, Gretchen Rossi, at the Unstoppable premiere? Perhaps the better question is: What was she thinking when she put on that outfit? Nevermind. I don't want to know.

Look, the statement necklace could have rocked - but the lace bustier and piled on gems pushed the look to the wrong side of 'street walker chic' in my humble opinion.  Sorry.

The Gaudy:

Bless her, Cloris Leachman is having as huge a heydey as Betty White. And she's just as saucy - so leopard and layers are working for her in a Mrs. Roper kindof way (look her up, youngsters).

Can I just say, though, that I'm kinda tired of the over-the-top octogenarian fashion statement? These women look great for their age. Being funny doesn't mean you have to 'dress funny'. You know?

Here are some other shots from the carpet. Anything strike you?

Chris Brown Wallpapers

Chris Brown Pic
Chris Brown Wallpaper
Chris Brown with GirlFriend
Chris Brown Images
Chris Brown and his Girl Friend

An Offer You Can’t Refuse

I still like my blog, but I’ll be the first to admit that something’s missing these days.

Last year, I had an amazing run of weekly weigh-ins and felt as though there were some sort of magic, manic energy that infused the site.

Now that I’m thisclose to my goal weight, the intensity isn’t always there. I still want to lose weight… still want to get fit… but it doesn’t seem to be the driving force behind what I do each day.

Please don’t misunderstand me: I’m happy to no longer be obese, no longer be overweight, but…

Well, actions speak louder than words.

I want someone else to lose weight on Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit.

I want someone who’s having trouble getting it done on their own to share their journey with me.

I want to be the Bodfather.

I’ve already tried it with a couple of individuals, just sharing email encouragement and support. However, it petered out in both cases because I think I made it too easy for them to blow it off.

This time… this time it’ll be a Family affair. I want to share someone’s journey with the folks that hang out over here.

Here’s how it would work: you email me at jacksh.tgettinfit(at)gmail(dot)com and express your interest. If we can agree on some basic rules, I’ll train the JSGF spotlight on you and let you share the support and encouragement of some of the most fantastic readers you could ever hope to find.

Make no mistake; it won’t be easy. I can be a very demanding goombah, and I’m gonna make you share your weight, your measurements, your photos, everything. And I'm going to stay after you like nobody's business.

We’ll celebrate with you as you reach every milestone and we will help you to your feet whenever you stumble. I don’t have any silver bullets for you, but I’ll be in your corner every round.

That’s the carrot, and here’s the stick: if you quit on me, well… if I told you what I’m going to do to you in that event, I’d have to kill you.

Weight loss is the Family business, and I’d like to be your Bodfather.




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Give Peace a Chance

I missed John  Lennon's birthday on October 8th, but it's never too late to give peace a chance.

Give Peace a Chance
- John Lennon

Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Bagism, Shagism, Dragism, Madism, Ragism, Tagism
This-ism, that-ism, ism ism ism
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

(C'mon)
Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Minister, Sinister, Banisters and Canisters,
Bishops, Fishops, Rabbis, and  Pop Eyes, Bye bye, Bye byes
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

(Let me tell you now)
Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Revolution, Evolution, Masturbation, Flagellation, Regulation,
Integrations, mediations, United Nations, congratulations
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
John and Yoko, Timmy Leary, Rosemary,
Tommy Smothers, Bobby Dylan, Tommy Cooper,
Derek Taylor, Norman Mailer, Alan Ginsberg, Hare Krishna
Hare Hare Krishna
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance



Pretty things here.  World peace... still elusive.