The Return of the Gingerbread Man

The True Story of the Gingerbread Persons and Their Sad Demise

Once upon a time, a little old woman and a little old man lived in a cottage, which they held onto through a loan modification. One day the little old woman made some gingerbread people to keep her company.  Her husband was quite deaf and she needed someone to talk to. She gave them currants for eyes and cherries for buttons. Then she popped them in the oven to bake.

The little old woman and little old man were very hungry and wanted to eat the gingerbread men and women.  She brewed a pot of coffee and they waited for the oven timer to DING. As soon the timer went off, the little old woman opened the oven door.  But the gingerbread people, who clearly were made from more than flour, butter, and molasses, leapt off the cookie sheet and ran out of the open window shouting, "Don't eat us!"

The little old woman and little old man ran after the gingerbread people."Stop! Stop!" they shouted.  But the gingerbread people didn't even look back. They ran on, and started to chant:
'Run, run as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!'  (The gingerbread girls chanted "Run, run as fast as you can. Gingerbread girls outrun any man!")

Down the lane they sped until they saw a pig.  The pig said, "Snort, stop!   I would like to eat you!"

"First you'd have to get out of the mud," answered the gingerbread crew as they raced down the road.  They started up their chants again.  "Run, run as fast as you can. You can't catch me,
I'm the gingerbread man"  and "Run, run as fast as you can. Gingerbread girls outrun any man!"

A little further on they met a cow. "Stop! Stop! " mooed the hungry cow.  "You look good enough to eat!"

But the gingerbread people were too fast.  They sped on down the road, shouting, "Run, run as fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man"  and "Run, run as fast as you can.  Gingerbread girls outrun any man!"

The cow began to chase the gingerbread crew along with the pig, and the little old woman. (The little old man had gone back to the cottage to drink all the coffee.) But the gingerbread people were too fast for them.

It was not long before the gingerbread troops came to a horse. "Stop! Stop!" shouted the horse. "I want to eat you all!"

And did they stop?  Nooooo.  Instead they ran on, shouting "Run, run as fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man"  and "Run, run as fast as you can. Gingerbread girls outrun any man!"

The horse joined in the chase. The gingerbread people laughed and laughed, until they came to a river. "Uh-oh!" they moaned.  "How will we cross the river?"

That's when the sly fox appeared.  "I can help you cross the river," said the fox. "Just jump on to my tail and I will swim across."

"But won't you eat us?" asked the gingerbread folk.

"Of course not," said the fox. "I just want to help."

Having crumbs for brains, the gingerbread people climbed onto the fox's tail. Soon they began to get wet.  Very wet.

"Climb onto my back," said the fox. So they did.  (Did I mention they had crumbs for brains?)

As he swam the fox said, "You are very heavy and I am getting very tired.  Please jump onto my nose." The Gingerbreads did as they were told.

No sooner had they reached the other side, than the fox tossed the gingerbread people up in the air. He opened his mouth and 'Snap!' that was the end of the gingerbread people.  Except on this bracelet, where they are safe.


They're pretty safe on the earrings, too.

The End

(until it's baking time again)

Gingerbread for all right here.