• The only way to tell if a cantaloupe is ripe is to thump the produce guy and say “Hey, is this cantaloupe ripe, Produce Guy?”
• Aisle sprints. GO!
• Stretch your arm muscles by reaching for several cans of pork-n-beans on the very top shelf for that nice little old lady, even if nice little old lady insists that she doesn’t want ‘em.
• Tape coupons to bricks to give yourself more of a workout.
• Some stores give out free samples of exotic cheeses. These samples are completely devoid of calories and fat, or so I’ve led myself to believe for some dumbass reason.
• Lead the guys in the lobster tank to a rousing Zumba session!
• Don’t buy products with high-fructose corn syrup and – for God’s sake – don’t even think about buying products with low-fructose corn syrup!
• Buy whole wheat bread, whole wheat pasta and… yeah, yeah… go ahead and buy whole wheat everything! Yes, that includes a whole-wheat copy of Cosmo!
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