Fitness Center Conversation Starters

Since I've been in the gym so much lately, I've been breaking in some new conversation starters for you. Go make a new buddy...

• “Look how puffy my muscles are getting!”


• “I was gonna take human growth hormone, but I read somewhere that Flintstones chewables are basically the same thing.”


• “What’s up, my brother from another mother?”


• “Excuse me–where’s the hopscotch grid?”


• “Did you know that a full bladder is roughly the size of a softball?”


• “Check ‘em out… spandex mittens!”


• “Ewwww…somebody filled my water bottle with mayonnaise.”


• “Do you think these short shorts are too short?”


• “I’m a maniac, maaaaaniac, on the floor. And I’m dancing like I’ve NEVER danced BEFORE. What? What? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?”


• “Will you be my treadmill partner?”


• “Hey, I’m gonna be over there on the Taffy Puller if you need me.”


• “I think my personal trainer hates me. Probably because I slashed her tires.”


• “Hey, wanna watch me do arm curls?”


• “I just completed a marathon. Yeah, it was the Gilligan’s Island marathon on TV Land.”


• “Tag… you’re it!”


• “Hey, you’ve got a wireless cell phone.”


• “Do you read Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit? Me neither.”

Even More Fitness Center Pick-Up Lines

• “The TSA stopped me at Security yesterday (flexing)....for trying to bring my guns on the plane.”

• “Yes, this is a unitard. Oh, I’m sorry… I thought you asked ‘Are you unitarded?’”

• “Hi, I’d like to introduce you to Mr. Bulging Bicep… oh yeah… he’s got a twin brother, too. His name’s Arnie.”

• “If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you share with me the training regimen you used to attain it?”

• “If you were a president, you'd be Babe-raham Lincoln.”

• “I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away… plus, I just did an hour on the elliptical and I’m feeling a little woozy.”

• “Have you ever done it on a rowing machine?”

• Insert your own kettlebell/snatch line here.

• “How much does a polar bear weigh? Roughly 300 to 660 pounds, according to my research on the internet. Hi, my name is ____________.”

• “Do you believe in love at first squat?”

• “Wanna share a sweat towel?”

• “Dammit, somebody put powdered Viagra in my water bottle!”

• “Hi, do you curl here often?”

• “I know an activity that’s fun and burns 350 calories an hour…”

• “I’d like to present you a coupon for one post-workout hug.”

• “Do you have a Band-aid? Cause, baby, I'm cut!”

• 
“Do these leg-warmers look too ‘Eighties’?”

• “Can I flirt with you while you do your ab crunches?”


• “Don’t go to the zoo today… (flexing) because the pythons are out.”

• “Let's do lunge.”

Workout Primer

A is for Abs
Between your chest and your legs.
We keep working so we’ll have
Six-packs instead of kegs.

B is for Barbell
Whether it’s two pounds or fifty.
They’re great on the go,
When you’re feeling all lifty.

C is for Cardio
To help your whole body improve.
Mix up your workout
With a sweat-getting groove.

D is for Dumbell
(See B up above).
Do a few reps with these,
For arm muscles you’ll love.

E is for Endorphins
Our body’s pain-killers.
But I still prefer the one
Made by whiskey distillers.

F is for Flexibility
Sure, stretching is trendy.
But you’ll see benefits,
When your body’s more bendy.

G is for Guns
They’re your biceps, you know.
Who wants some tickets
To the Gun Show?

H is for Hammies
(Not the sammich, you loon).
Work your hamstrings and
See good results soon.

I is for Intensity
It’s time for true grit.
Because the more you give,
The more you get.

J is for Juice
Steroids and that junk
Makes some muscles bigger,
Makes other things shrunk.

K is for Ketosis
When you want to sound experty.
It’s what you call it when our bodies
Burn fat for energy.

L is for Lats
Those muscles in your back
Under all of that hair
(If you’re like your friend Jack).

M is for Membership
Be a part of a gym.
If you can’t afford the bill,
You can try sneaking in.

N is for Nutrition
Eating better’s a rule,
Cuz your engine runs better
When it gets better fuel.

O is for Overtraining
Yes it’s “no pain, no gain.”
Of course that’s bad advice,
If you suffer a strain.

P is for Personal Trainer
With smiles on their faces,
They’ll hurt you in places,
You didn’t know you had places.

Q is for Quads
Lunges are great for your thighs
If you like crying in public,
Try these on for size.

R is for Reps
It’s best to do oodles.
Enough that your arms feel like
Overcooked noodles.

S is for Spotting
It just takes a sec,
But please don’t drop weights
On the weightlifter’s neck.

T is for Testosterone
It’s what makes men more manly
But we can’t blame our weight
Gains on it (or can we?)

U is for Underwear
Because no matter your stance.
If you try to lift too much,
You may crap your pants.

V is for Vitamins
Like my Flinstones Chewable.
Hey, it’s the only way that I’ve found
To make vitamin-taking doable.

W is for Weights
Keep raising the bar
And if you overdo it,
Hey, I know CPR.

X is for X-ray
And no, I’m not jokin’,
If your arm’s bent back that way,
It just may be broken.

Y is for You
You’re the one benefiting,
From overall better health
And from your slack’s not splitting.

Z is for Zealot
You’ve become a believer.
What will you achieve next,
You achieving achiever?