A Few More Weight Loss Tips and Tricks

• Breakfast is the most important meal  of the day, so please remember to wear a formal evening gown or tuxedo when eating it.

• Encourage the company where you work to sponsor a "Biggest Loser" challenge; if that works, try to get them to sponsor a "Deal or No Deal" challenge. Hey,maybe you'll win a million dollars and can quit this crummy job!

• Instead of dipping caramel apples in caramel, just dip regular apples in caramel instead. Way fewer calories!

• When at your favorite restaurant, try ordering the opposite of what you really want.

• Install a series of ropes or vines throughout your house and swing from room to room on them. Tarzan's a pretty fit dude, after all.

• Every morning, I look in the mirror and say "I can do this!" So tomorrow, I'd like you to look in your mirror and say "Jack can do this!"

• There's no quicker way to get in your daily intake of water than to almost drown.

• Every time you make an excuse for not exercising, an angel gets a migraine headache.

• Don't trust a dietician who eats a  2-lb. bag of pork rinds during your initial consultation.

• If you're a cannibal, consider leaner cuts like shins and biceps instead of buttocks.

• Beer is pretty high calorie, so a good strategy is to drink so much that you throw up.

• Leaving a blog comment burns 10 calories.

Even More Weight-Loss Tips and Tricks

• One way to make yourself drink more water is to put a couple of lit sparklers in your mouth.


• Recognize that exposure to certain colors, such as blue, silver, yellow, beige, violet, gold, aquamarine, green, red, purple, orange, teal, turquoise, brown or pink, can trigger hunger. Try to avoid these colors as much as possible.


• Freeze a couple of heads of iceberg lettuce so you can have a nice refreshing salad whenever you want.

• You can make your Fry Daddy more healthy by filling it with dirt and planting some herbs in it.

• Never eat a sandwich bigger than your head.

• Remember the old saying “If you drink a Coke, I hope you choke!”

• One way to get more exercise while sitting on the sofa and watching TV is to get up and go exercise.

• Forgo your usual pre-weigh-in snack.

• It’s really not a good idea to eat an entire can of Crisco unless you’re trying to win a bet.

• Most restaurants will let you go back into the kitchen and prepare your own food exactly like you want it; some will even pay you to prepare everyone else’s food as well. 


• Try to eat fair food only when you're at the fair.


• Just because chocolate is poisonous to dogs doesn't mean you have to run around in a huff and eat all forms of chocolate in the house.

Remember: before Superman started eating healthy and working out, he was just a mild-mannered reporter. Now up, up and away you go… waitaminute… I mean, down, down and away!