Bodfather: A Big Step Backwards

Subject #3 in the "Bodfather"
Witness Reduction Program: Tom

Height: 5' 9"
Starting weight:  437.5
Current Weight: 433
Total loss: -4.5 lbs.

 Call me the Bodfather.

I’m chronicling the stories of five overweight folks as they do what they can to bring positive change in their lives. It’s not a “Biggest Loser” deal; there’s no competition, no grand prize (other than better health and the thrill of wearing skinnier pants). I try to provide some information, encouragement and  support, and I did hook each of them up with a free Philips DirectLife activity monitor. But other than that, I’m not really doing much but watching, waiting and writing. Just like with all of us, it’s a do-it-yourself project.

Tom started out like gangbusters, and I had a hunch he was going to blow the others out of the water. If you ever want to stir up some sh*t (and let’s face it… some of us enjoy sh*t-stirring more than others), lay out the argument that it’s easier for women to lose weight than it is for men. Oh, people will come back at you with a lot of “facts” about how the opposite is actually true, but it makes for a few hours of good, clean fun.

Don’t use this to contradict me the next time I say “It’s easier for women to lose weight than men”, but I’m pretty sure that men have a metabolic advantage in this arena. Simply put, most of us guys (when we put our minds to it) can lose larger amounts faster than the fairer sex. I guess that’s to make up for men being paid less than women in the workplace…

That said, I had Tom pegged as the man to beat, and he proved how smart I was by coming out of the gate like he was shot out of a cannon.

But over the holidays, I started hearing from Tom less and less. While most of the “Bodfather” participants would check in with me every couple of days, weeks would pass without word from the lone male in the “Bod Squad”. It didn’t take a Sh*tlock Holmes to guess that Tom wasn’t burning up the scale.

His last check-in was a pretty casual affair, and I didn’t even get mad until I looked at the numbers and realized that Tom’s nine-week adventure has netted a total loss of 4.5 pounds. loss. At his size, he could lose that in a week if he really wanted to do it. If he really got serious about it.

I’m calling you out, Tom. Talking about how much you want to do this is all well and good, but it’s time to sh*t or get off the pot. Nobody said this was going to be fast and nobody said it was going to be easy, but remember… you’re the one who knocked on my door.

I turned down hundreds of people who were looking for help, Tom. Looking to change their lives for the better. This is a great opportunity, and you’re squandering it.

The people who leave comments here will probably be much nicer to you than I’m being, but that doesn’t change the fact that I think it’s time for you to nut up and start getting after it.

Waste your own time if you want to, but now you’re wasting the rest of ours.

Decide if you want to do this… and do it right… and get back to me.

Bodfather out.