Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Ways I’ve Welcomed New Folks to the Gym

  • “Excuse me, but that’s the treadmill you have to run on backwards.”
     
  • “I wouldn't bother with a locker; just let me hang on to your valuables.
     
  • “Wow! Is that all the weight you’re gonna put on there?


  • “You should warm up for at least 5 seconds before running as fast as you can.”

  • “Can you spot me… five bucks?”

  • “Your gym nickname is ‘Candy-Ass’”.

  • “This is the best elliptical; I’ll let you have it for $5.”

  • “Have you noticed that my muscles are bumpier than yours?”

  • “The easiest personal trainer? That’d probably be Frances other there, the short-haired chick with all the prison tattoos.”

  • “It’s good to start off with way more than you can lift and go from there.”

  • “Thong Thursday is pretty much mandatory around here.”

  • “C’mon... I’ll sit in your lap and we can do the rowing machine together.”

  • “Just do what I do… and don’t forget to yodel.”

  • “I can only do 500 chin-ups. How about you?”

  • “Here… I wiped the sweaty sweat off the machine with my sweaty towel.”

  • “Here,  I’ll poke you in the stomach while you do ab crunches.”

  • “Spinning class? Oh, everyone just spins around and around until they get really dizzy and fall down.”

  • “I usually lose ten to fifteen pounds per workout.”

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