Things That Might Make You Give Up On Your Resolutions

• Stock market plunges; MSNBC blames your resolutions specifically
  
  
• BFF texts you and says your resolutions are “dorky”
  
   
• Turns out most of your resolutions defy laws of physics
  
   
• Spill coffee all over your list; what's that say... “Quit drumking coffurk”... What the hell does that mean?
  
   
• Conspiracy at highest levels of government
  
• Didn't want to break your perfect record of resolution failure
  
   
• Confusion about whether or not this is a “Leap Year”
  
   
• Shouldn't have written resolutions on sand with a stick at the beach
  
   
• Realize that letters of “resolution” can be rearranged to spell “loonies rut”
  
  
• Resolution #1: give up on all other resolutions (hey, at least you achieved success with one resolution)
  
   
• You're not feeling very resolutiony