Thursday, October 7, 2010

Things You Can Say to Me That Might Make Me Kill You

For the most part, I’m not a violent guy. However, there’re a few comments that you can make around me these days that might make me go ballistic…

  • “I can eat anything I want and I never gain any weight...”
  • “Start over with those bench presses; I wasn’t counting…”
  • “I went ahead and put butter on your popcorn.”
  • “Have you gained weight?”
  • “I’m sorry… I forgot to bring your salad dressing on the side…”
  • “Great job! Here’s a king-sized Snickers bar.”
  • “You just won a year’s supply of donut holes!”
  • “I’m sorry… the gym is closed this week.”
  • “Free cotton candy! Get your free cotton candy!”
  • “For some reason, drinking beer makes me lose weight…”
  • “I think that scale is light by a couple of pounds.”
  • “The ‘Plus Size’ section is right over there.”
  • “There’s free pizza in the break room!”
  •  “Would you like fries with that?”
  • “Here! Try a sample of our fresh pecan pie…”
  • Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit? Never heard of it…”

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