What's in Your Witch's Brew?

"Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and howlet's wing,--
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble." 

No. Wait.  That doesn't sound very tasty.

The witch on this bottle stopper has mixed up a brew of her own, with the help of her little batty familiar. (And yes, he brought her the flower.)  The witch and bat are made of lampwork glass, set off with Swarovski crystals and sterling silver.  The flower is made of Czech pressed glass, with a Swarovski crystal and sterling silver.

Brew Recipe

Perfect grapes of Cabernet,

Stomped by foot in my chalet

With a dash of Beaujolais

And a splash of Chadonnay.

Served up with a bread with crust

Crisp and warm and quite robust

And a wheel of Brie that must

Give beneath the test thumb's thrust.

That's this witch's wish for you

To last all this season through,

Because, from her point of view,

That's the perfect witch's brew.

A seasonal wine bottle stopper to stop your seasonal wine bottle.

Cost is 49.99, and 5.25 Priority Shipping.

Now in my etsy shop.

More Halloween BrightandShinyThings can be found

in my etsy and eBay stores.

Taking My Show On The Road

As an everyday blogger for the past two and a half years, I’ve been pretty much like a buffet at a Chinese restaurant; it may not always be good (or tasteful), but there’s always plenty of crap on the table.

That said, I looked at my schedule for October and saw a trip to South Bend (including attending my first Notre Dame football game), three golf tournaments, some big projects on a tight timetable and a two-week anniversary trip all over Italy with my lovely wife Anita.

I sat down and said to myself, “Jack, you need to crank out a month’s worth of content or - if you’re gonna be a lazy-ass - pre-load a bunch of old posts.”

After thinking it over for roughly six seconds, I chose Option B. Truthfully, I could use a break and if I hadn’t mentioned it, you may never have noticed it. My posts are kind of all-the-same and forgettable, after all.

If I can remember to take notes while out of the country, I plan to temporarily convert my weight-loss/healthy living blog into a travel journal. Goodbye, Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit; Hello, Jack Sh*taly, Goin’ to Italy!

Oh, and I’m not packing a scale…

But allow me to go out on a high note: here’s a guest post called "25 Ways to Improve Your Crappy Life" that I wrote for the super-fantastic Joyce Cherrier over at Freaking Fitness. It’s one of my most… well, it’s… okay, it’s pretty much like all my other posts.

Man, I need a vacation…




P.S. I do plan on updating Jack Sh*t Lite some throughout the month. My baby blog is too little to be left all by itself...

rochas fashion

rochas fashion

rochas fashion

rochas fashion

rochas fashion

french fashion show

french fashion show

french fashion show

french fashion show

french fashion show

The Return of Witchy Wilma

Dame Wilma was a wondrous witch,
As wily as could be
But when it came to spells and such
In class, she earned a D.

She couldn't deal with eye of newt.
A frog's toe made her quiver.
Her cackling just was not off-key
And broomsticks made her shiver.

So when she went out on her own
To curse and cast her spells
She couldn't turn a prince to frog
Or make a brew that smells.

At last one day, two bats appeared
Her failures, they would banish.
They'd help her with her spells and then
Make her detractors vanish.

They called for aid from three small ghosts
(Named Manny, Mo, and Jack).
And then the five debated
The best means for their attack.

So with a brew of pumpkin and
A dash of candy corn
And much incessant chanting
They stayed up from night 'til morn.

At last, when day was breaking,
When the gloom of night had lifted
To inept Dame Wilma
A new spell they made and gifted.

And with the spell Dame Wilma could
Invoke all forces natural,
Make creatures do her bidding --
A conclusion satisfactual.

"But what was in this spell of yours?"
Dame Wilma had to query.
"A touch of this, a tad of that...
Ingredients ordinary."

"We simply added everything,"
Explained the Ghost-Bat Team,

"This always is essential:
Garlic, wine, and self-esteem."

Dame Wilma's Witchy necklace here.

More Tips for Healthy Grocery Shopping

• Build strong arm muscles by carrying grocery cart around the store.

• The only way to tell if a cantaloupe is ripe is to thump the produce guy and say “Hey, is this cantaloupe ripe, Produce Guy?”

• Aisle sprints. GO!

• Stretch your arm muscles by reaching for several cans of pork-n-beans on the very top shelf for that nice little old lady, even if nice little old lady insists that she doesn’t want ‘em.

• Tape coupons to bricks to give yourself more of a workout.

• Some stores give out free samples of exotic cheeses. These samples are completely devoid of calories and fat, or so I’ve led myself to believe for some dumbass reason.

• Lead the guys in the lobster tank to a rousing Zumba session!

• Don’t buy products with high-fructose corn syrup and – for God’s sake – don’t even think about buying products with low-fructose corn syrup!

• Buy whole wheat bread, whole wheat pasta and… yeah, yeah… go ahead and buy whole wheat everything! Yes, that includes a whole-wheat copy of Cosmo!

Halloween Night Sky on a Nearly Wordless Wednesday

Thanks to http://vrun.wordpress.com/tag/varun-rajagopalan/

Earrings available on etsy and eBay.

Ways to Decrease Blog Traffic

Do you ever get that feeling that too many people are visiting your blog? That you’d do a little better without so many prying eyeballs oogling every damn thing you’ve got to say?

Don’t fret; I’m here to help drive down your loyal following. Follow these easy-to-implement steps and your blog will soon be an unpopular as mine…

• Stop using capitalization, punctuation and conjunctions.

• Start every post with “I don’t really have anything to say today…” and then proceed to go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.

• Always refer to your readers as “retards.”

• Include “fat-free” recipes, each of which start off with an entire can of Crisco.

• Cover 95% of your site with advertising.

• Choose beautiful calligraphy font and make sure it’s super-thin and tiny.

• Repeat same post every other day and see how long it takes anyone to notice.

• Hold contest where you give away some of your old underwear.

• Every post in Pig Latin.

• Download widget that makes visitor’s computer freeze up.

• Polka music that can’t be turned off.

• Jack Sh*t guest post.

Thanksgiving Thoughts, Part I

Heap high the board with plenteous cheer and gather to the feast,

And toast the sturdy Pilgrim band whose courage never ceased.
~Alice W. Brotherton

The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts.  No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. 

~H.U. Westermayer

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice.  

~Meister Eckhart

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.  

~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow.  

~Edward Sandford Martin

On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment - halftime.  

~Author Unknown

Thanksgiving and autumn treasures here. 

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More Ways to Make More Time for Exercise

• On January 1st of each year, pay all of your bills for the entire year.

• Instead of wasting time doing laundry, invest in industrial-sized barrel of Fabreeze.

• When working a sudoku puzzle, just put random numbers in random squares.

• Go through car wash at 60 miles per hour.

• One way to get your house cleaned faster is to threaten to fire your housekeeper unless she picks up the pace.

• When dropping your kids off, teach them to roll out of the car so you don’t have to come to a complete stop. They’ll think it’s fun and you’ll pick up a few valuable seconds in your day.

• If you have a flat tire, just keep driving, moron.

• Speed-pray.

• See if you can find a combination manicurist-proctologist.

• Keep a razor in your car so you can shave your legs while stuck in traffic.

• How about this for a bedtime story: Once upon a time, there was a princess who lived happily ever after. The end.

Latest Emo Hairstyles

 

Latest Emo Hairstyles